Thanks so much for the encouragement! You all are the best.
I had a really good weekend. Friday night I cooked a nice meal and traded home-cooked food with my neighbors.
Saturday morning after my workout, my ex-boyfriend “Michael,” the one who apologized to me last Christmas for his big part in our R failure, called me from Boston and we had a nice long chat. He gave me a lot of Words of Affirmation for how I’m doing and my strength in this past year. That was very cheering, I must say!
Saturday afternoon I spent a few hours with H. [I hadn’t seen him in probably two months--although we've kept in email touch-- not since the time we had a nice time hanging out and then the next day he pulled the money issue and I was so upset.] But now the money issue is resolved, I don’t know if he’s still angry about it, but we had a really relaxed time hanging out for a couple of hours. I guess he was ostensibly there to see the dog, but just like last time we spent the whole time talking instead. I really wasn’t very nervous this time. In fact, it was interesting, I have been reading The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz (the guy who wrote The Four Agreements), and so much of it makes sense to me. Holding resentment towards H only hurts me. I don’t have to take his rejection of me personally because we each are living in a “different dream.” From now on we’ll either get along or we won’t, but my goal is to try to live and let live , and also to remember that the idea is to enjoy life, to have fun! Thus I must seize any opportunity to let go of needless suffering. I mostly managed to hang onto that feeling, which was very relaxed, throughout our time and just enjoy talking to him. There were a couple of moments where I started to feel a bit uptight/pained and wanted him to leave, but they passed. I also tried not to think about him looking attractive. Anyway, overall it was probably our least-charged hangout since the bomb. We also took the sweet dog for a walk in her wheelchair. She was so happy to see him and gave him many heartfelt kisses!
Sunday morning I met my first fellow from the dating service I signed up with (and with which I’ve deliberately been proceeding verrrrrrry slooooooowly). He was really nice. I liked his energy and honesty (boy, do I want honesty after this horrible year!). I felt like myself and not like someone on some phony arduous date. Seemed to have lots to talk about. We just met for breakfast on my way to my girlfriend’s wedding shower...which was a blast. What a great bunch of women. Everyone was so warm and very witty and interesting. Great food and lots of laughs.
I don’t feel 100% yet, but I think I am healing.
PS This coming weekend I am going to visit MIL and her H and spend the night. I'm mostly looking forward to it, but send good wishes.
