Hi all,

Thanks so much for the birthday wishes!! It’s tomorrow, and I have to work, but the folks I’m having a meeting with in the morning are bringing some b-day goodies. Yum.

I was very surprised on Friday to receive an email from H (because he had said he wanted to take a break from trying to be friends, and I hadn’t heard a word from him in ten days or so), saying:
Hi Azure,

Just checking to see if you're around now and not on a trip. I'm
running around your area this afternoon and would like to leave an early birthday package on your
doorstep.

Would that be okay?

--H

I wrote back:
Hi, H,
I'm not out of town.
That is sweet.
Thank you.
Azure
(Don't be surprised to see two dogs at the door, I'm sitting [friend’s dog] for two weeks.)
PS Book recommendation for you and/or your mom:
The Dogs of Babel by Carolyn Parkhurst

He wrote:
I'll drop the stuff by in about an hour, then. Are you there or will
you be? If not, where do you suggest I leave it?

My reading tip for you: The Confessions of Max Tivoli. Excellent book.

I wrote:
I won't be home until 6. I don't know where to leave it...maybe around the side of the house near the basement entrance?
The Max Tivoli book sounds really good (I looked it up on Amazon).

Then later, when I got home, I wrote:

Hey, H
I was really touched by the thoughtful presents, right down to the "reading girl" bag. I actually forgot that the [my favorite band] were going to have a new CD out, they mentioned that at the show. The socks are completely cool--I love them, of course. I can't wait to read the book. I just finished the Dogs of Babel, so I can read it now. Oh, and I loved the homie card, too. I really wasn't expecting anything, so thank you. Those are perfect. Gimpy girl [the dog] sends clicks and licks.
Love
Azure

And he wrote:
I'm glad you liked everything, Azure. I hope that you are able to stretch out your big day into a week-long celebration.

I'll take your advice on the book, though I'm just starting an older
book called the Moviegoer and then I'm tackling the Clinton
autobiography, which could take a while. You'll have to tell me how you like White Noise.

Enjoy, and tell that gimpy girl [the dog] to heal up soon.

Love--H

************
Yeah, SO, it was so surprising, as I wasn’t expecting anything from him. Last heard from, he wanted to take a break, and was/is resentful over our settlement (even though we went to a mediator together), as well as the D not happening as soon as he expected.

In answer to your question, H2H, I took to heart his wanting a break from communicating, and I have been working on myself (as it advises in the book), trying to face my fears about being alone, about our R being over, about learning to be ok with my own self. It has been both quite terrifying and very interesting process. This process was made somewhat easier (though harder, too ) by the thought of him being disgruntled with me and not wanting to talk and not inviting me to BIL’s service.

So when I got his email and the presents on Friday, it kind of threw me into a weird tailspin of mixed emotions. It made me cry. I felt confused about why he wanted to open communication back up again, and/or whether it was just for my birthday, and then we'd be back to darkness and me trying to heal from this insane, intense year.

Luckily, right after I picked up the present, I was due at Maya’s house for dinner, to join Totally and Ultreya. I was SO glad I was going to be among fellow DBers with all this emotional storm in my head. Maya made us a lovely dinner, and we also watched the opening ceremonies of the Olympics, which were absolutely lovely. So once again, the “DB Delivery” (do you remember that story?) came through.

And Saturday night, I met GBO in the city, as well as two wonderful friends of hers, and she treated me to a birthday dinner! Then we went back to her house and her lovely new floor.

So thank goodness for DBers this weekend!

Nothing more from H for the weekend, although I was tempted at times to write, but so much emotion sprang up around that, I thought maybe it was better to return to darkness, and let him initiate if he wants further conversation.

Thank you all for continuing to check in. Hugs, all.