I don't know if sharing my MB thoughts is going to help anyone, but here I go anyways.
I usually think of my W and I in fantasy situations, ones that could "never happen" in real life (either because we're not able to physically do what I am thinking of, or because it's illegal!). This helps me to get away from the reality that ML is usually the "same old same old" when it happens. It also lets me do whatever I want with my W (believe me, there are things that we've tried ONCE and never again that I really liked).
For example, I have this exhibitionist tendency... so I think of W and I ML in public where we might get caught (on a large beach blanket, for instance, or in our front yard). I have this B&D tendency... so I think of using various sex toys on my W. I have this weird-ass voyeuristic tendency... so I think of watching my W MB, unbeknownst to her.
In each of these scenarios, it doesn't matter how "real life" is at the moment. It matters that I'm thinking about things and feeling good. In the end, I never feel disappointed.
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
I don't know anything about your pre-marital experience, but that's what I use. Before W, I had a very HD GF. I visualize actual past experiences with the OW, but substitute W in my fantasy. It works and it tends to keep my sexual focus on W, which is where I believe it should be.
I really like the concept, but I wonder does it create a sense of the real thing with W being 'ho hum'? IF the desire for the incredible fantasy grows too big, does it overshadow real life?
I, too, have a vivid imagination and understand your fantasies. Problem is if I think about them too much, I want them to happen.
Just a thought.
There are 3 sides to every situation: yours, mine and the truth. Knowing the difference is the key.
Hate to give you this answer, but "it depends." What do you bring (emotions, feelings, expectations) to LM sessions with your W? what is she "into" when it comes to fantasy and things that you've never done together?
Real life doesn't measure up to fantasy, and I don't think that any of us should expect it to. If you start a LM session with a poor attitude (as I did last week when my W initiated and I just wasn't into it), it will be lackluster and (perhaps) unsatisfying. If you start a LM session with a "can do and do and do" attitude (as I did last night), things turn out nicely. Even though we didn't do anything kinky/fantasy-like, I was really satisfied.
This whole thread has been enlightening for me - I'm glad I asked.
Heapmom's post is interesting, and may point to a motivation for my question that I was not aware of. If my wife became sexually responsive, I'd have to dismantle some barriers that I have raised, because if I'm always thinking of her sexually, I just can't stand it. So I pretty much put the idea of sex with her out of my mind.
I do think that positive visualization along the lines that the rest of you are suggesting may be helpful. I'll give it a try...
