Masturbation...

[SolidMechanic]

My wife and I have agreed to start working with a sex therapist starting this month. A real victory, eh?

Congratulations, and I mean that most sincerely. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, eh?

If I think of my wife while I masturbate, I feel all the emotions of her pushing me away and being sexually closed to me, and that is a real turn off. But if I think of other women, I find that I spend more and more of my time thinking sexually about other women, and my eyes wander worse and worse.

I will share with you my recent experience.

Until recently, I was an avid consumer of online porn. Of course, frequent MB went along with it. I quit using porn a couple months ago as one of the things I wanted to do to reclaim my self respect, as well as removing some of the barriers that had formed between me and my wife. Although the frequency of MB decreased, I certainly did not give up it up. The physical tension would be too much. So I needed to start forming new imagery in my head. I have begun fantasizing about my wife. This is a person I have not made love with in eons, but fantasizing about her has brought some level of passion in my feelings for her, whereas, before I had trouble thinking of her on any kind of sexual level.

Someday soon, when she is ready for open and honest conversations about sex, I will share these fantasies with my wife. I will let her know that she is still my lover in my imagination. We have to crawl before we can walk...

Tony