That's exactly what I believe my H is doing. Only instead of spending too much time outside the home, he feels (at some level) that I'm not pulling my weight. I now can see different things that are perfect examples of the tug-of-war that he's been waging with me....albeit unwittingly so.
My H is a HUGE popcorn lover...makes it and takes it to work to snack on all the time. I like the stuff, but don't eat it very often...however he will ALWAYS leave the popcorn maker for me to clean. Now that would just irk the every lovin daylights out of me....I didn't make the mess, why should I clean it up?!! Perfectly valid reaction to something like that...I'm sure most of you would agree. So I would leave the popcorn maker as it was, not touch it...perhaps move it if it was in my way...but I wouldn't clean it. This one little household applicance had suddenly become a symbol for "our" needs not being met on both sides.
However...now that I've had my light bulb go on I can see why he was doing that. It was his non-confrontational way of trying to let me know that I wasn't keeping the house up to par so why should he? I know this may not make sense to some of you...but for me it does...and really that's what's important...I finally get the symbolism behind this one behavior...so now hopefully I can pick up on other behaviors as well and address them.
I have now made the extra effort two days in a row...and my H has had a completely different attitude each evening when he's gotten home :-)
