You are definitely speaking my language here. I too have a LDH that witholds ML when he feels the house is not being kept or I am not 'pulling my weight'. However I do see light at the end of the tunnel.....
From past experience I have discovered that my husband will withhold intimacy and withdraw into some type of depression when he feels I am spending too much time outside of our home. He does everything that needs to be done around the house, without even giving me an opportunity to do my share and treats me like sh#t in the meantime. For example, when he knows that I am working or tied up with the children at sport he will do everything around the house and then resent me for not doing it. As I work fulltime and do have a lot of community/sport based commitments (which he would normally attend or help with) this gives him plenty of opportunity for this behaviour when he feels the need. I agree that it is an excuse not to have to address my intimacy needs and I think although it is subconscious behaviour that he finds it more satisfying to be pi##ed off at me and not have to be intimate.
I discussed this behaviour with him recently and calmly said that if he wanted to do all the housework and then sit around watching TV instead of being with his family that that was fine but to understand that he was removing himself from 'our' life, not vice versa.
Sometimes I find that I have to stay up late or get up early to 'beat' him to the housework - someone please pass the vodka, I must me insane - but when my H is in one of these states that is what I need to do .... Is it worth it ?? ABSO-bloody-LUTELY !!!! After he has come out of this 'state of mind' things return to 'normal' pretty quickly which means that I don't need to adopt the 1950's woman attitude where I put on fresh lipstick when he is due home, and have the children in some 'semi-drugged' state so that they do not fight or make too much noise while he is reading the newspaper and sucking on a stubbie ....(enough sarcasm).
