I shared these feelings with my W on the phone this morning and I received a surprisingly positive response.
I didn't really get the courage up myself, I must admit. My W basically confronted me on the issue by claiming that I was acting "weird" when she called and that I was not calling her at all. She wanted to know what is going on. That's when the dam broke and I dropped it all on her in a calm polite way.
She told me that she is glad that I am finally beginning to take my own feelings into account in this relationship. She was glad that I finally had the courage to admit what she already suspected. She understands my feelings and she feels that they are reasonable. She assured me that she does not initiate phone calls out of obligation, but because she misses me and is having positive feelings about me and the importance of our marriage to her.
Feeling brave, I went on to tell her what I feel my needs are (for affection and true intimacy) how I would like her to address these needs. I asked her to disclose her needs to me so I could try and be more considerate of them.
She said she is not sure that she is capable of the type of affection that I am looking for. She is worried, like I am, that she is not capable of real intimacy. She is not sure that she even wants it right now.
I told her that I cannot control her desire to be married and that I will no longer try to convince her that this is what she wants. I told her that the only thing I could do was to share my desire for greater intimacy and the feelings that I am harboring because I'm not getting it.
Did I do the right thing? I know I feel better today.
