If I may jump in here. I don't think your wife is bipolar. I think your wife is going through 'growing pains,' and she is in serious 'avoidance' behavior.
Growing pains meaning that she is now married, has a job, etc., and she is no longer a happy-go-lucky kid. The stakes are high now. Her drinking, avoidance of you, flirty behavior with co-workers, all indicate to me that she is having a very difficult time acknowledging and taking responsibility for her actions. And I really, REALLY think she needs to find a new counselor. That advice, if true, is completely bogus, and I cannot imagine any counselor worth their salt delivering such statements. I'd say there is a lot left out in what she is telling you.
As for her being lost and confused... that could mean that there are things the counselor is saying to her that are forcing her to deal with very uncomfortable and painful feelings. Rather than deal with the pain and truly examine the source, she is 'avoiding' it. Just so you know, depression is anger without enthusiasm. Meaning, that anger is being directed at her self, not at you. Sounds to me like your wife as some very deep and serious personal worth issues. Unfortunately for you, you cannot fix them.
There is not a damn thing you can do to make her confront her painful past issues. Even if she had a story book life growing up, everyone, EVERYONE has issues. She sounds like a perfectionist, one who has an ideal fantasy about how the world should be, how love should feel, etc., etc., and none of it is living up to that ideal. And since it doesn't, then that must mean she isn't 'in love' with you. The woman has no idea what 'real' love is, and unless she is willing to explore it, grow up (and I say that genuinely, not sarcastically), and become accountable for her own life and actions, she is going to lose YOU.
Were I you, I'd get yourself into counseling, because whatever it is you are doing is enabling her to continue to ignore her problems. The only way you will get your wife to change is to change yourself enough that is will force her to change or leave you. It sounds like she is a smart woman... trust in your marriage enough that she can rise to the challenge. Because if you don't your marriage is going to wither away. That sounds paradoxal, I know. But trust me on this one.
Her telling you you are perfect is a two-fold cop-out. First, she doesn't have to inspect her feelings, and two, it holds you hostage because you have no clue in what direction to move. You are not perfect, no one is. Get yourself to counseling, and do it pronto.
