When this journey into gridlock reached it's critical point, one of the first things I suspected was a depression issue. I purchased two books on the subject and the situation seemed to fit the bill with the exception of two things: 1) My wife is not 'mean' towards me like many depressed spouses are. She simply becomes frustratingly distant from me. & 2) She doesn't sleep all day or not sleep, or cry too often, or fail to keep up her personal appearance or anything like that. She often appears frustrated however, and often expresses dipleasure with many aspects of her life.
I pushed her to go to a counselor. Her counselor told her that she did not seem to be depressed and reaffirmed her belief that the primary source of unhapiness in her life was in fact our relationship.
W told me on last week that she plans to discontinue couseling after her third session was completed. She feels that it only serves to make her more confused and upset.
W has now left for a two week business trip. Leading up to her departure, we spent three days together for various preplanned social engagements. During this time, we were friendly towards one another and she expressed her displeasure with having to leave for her trip on several occasions. We did not ML in the days prior to her leaving and that made me feel upset and lonely. I did not express this to her, as I am trying to be supportive and positive around her at all times. SHe did tell me several times that she loves me and that she would miss me.
Here is the problem now:
I don't want to speak with her while she is away. She has called several times and we have exchanged emails, but I don't really have any enthusiasm for contacting her. I feel I have nothing to say. Not sure why I feel this way. I guess that I am just frustrated with the lack of closeness in our marriage, and it is eating away at me. It seems that she is content with falling back into our old relationship pattern. I feel like I would rather just be alone and get used to being single again while she is away. I miss her sometimes, but sometimes I don't and that makes me feel guilty and sad.
I feel as if she is just going through the motions of maintaining this relationship and it's not enough for me any longer. I don't want to be married to someone that I cannot be intimate with in any meaningful way.
My lack of enthusiasm during her phone calls seems to be bothering her some, but she has not confronted me directly. Instead we are having only polite small talk on the phone and that's it. I feel like I have nothing interesting to say and that I am boring her with the details of work and home while she is gone. I have kept plenty busy with social engagements this week and I feel good about my progress in rebuilding a life for myself outside of our marriage. I don't know what I am expecting, but I feel sad each time I hang up the phone. I find myself dreading each phone call.
Part of me is just waiting for her to drop another bomb on me about her unhappiness with our marriage.
Am I handling this correctly? Is it time to force the issue, or should I keep on trying to just be her friend? Why do I feel like I am the one with the problem now?
