1) When she is "out", you should be out(MIA). I don't care where (library, mall, gym, etc.), just let her come home to an empty house and wonder where you are.
2) Keep up the improved image thing going and get to the gym. Combine "buff" with "MIA" and she will get concerned that you have pursued interests of your own. You don't have to pursue anything just let her think that you might. Its a wake-up call.
3) When you are together and things are going well give her a full body massage. A $2 bottle of baby oil works great and every grocery store has it. You don't need a $20 bottle of massage oil. If this doesn't fire her up then something really isn't right.
4) Don't buy flowers, corny cards, make any undue professing of love for her or do anything to try to "win" her back (i.e. vacations, fancy dinners, etc.) Makes you look weak and she doesn't want that from you right now. She is in minor MLC and is probably looking for a "bad boy". Sounds stupid but really nice guys rarely win this battle unless they fully sell out their integrity.
5) Quit being her H for awhile and just be her boyfriend or lover. It is so much easier being in that mindset. Takes the possessiveness out of the R and reduces your desire to snoop. You pretty much need to do the opposite of your instincts until things change for the better or worse. I heard this too but wasn't very good at it. Please do better than I did.
6) The above 5 ideas will work unless she has already decided to move on. If she has it will prepare you better to move on as well. Not trying to be cold here, just factual.
You are 100% responsible for your 50% of the R. That is all. You can't do a thing about her 50%. Take care of yours and pray that she is strong enough to take care of hers. This "partying" thing is absolutely no good. The problem is that there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. It probably isn't a big deal now so if you bring it up she will blow you off. However, be prepared for it to escalate before it stops, if it stops. This is one area that I brought in my W family on. She wasn't happy about it but it was getting pretty bad and I felt I had no choice. Don't get her family involved in the R issues, just the "boozing".
FYI, Been there, done that with your sitch. Been here off and on since '02. We still have our issues but our base is more solid. Become the bad boy you always wanted to be by being strong, patient and independent, yet loving when she really needs you. You will backslide but keep the damage to a minimum by walking away when it gets ugly. Not professing to be a know it all but seen this all before.
