I have to say first that I sound like your wife. I never had an affair, but when the situation got really bad, I was worried that I might. Well, H beat me to it. That got my attention. I started falling all over myself to try to right my wrongs. I felt that I was responsible for his having an affair. I guess I'm partly right, but you can only control yourself. I didn't make him have an affair, so If you find out that she has, don't blame yourself.
We never had a honeymoon, but H reminds me that we did not ML on our wedding night either. We were both exhausted. Do you think this happens often? Well, I never intentionally turned down ML, but it just happened. There is just something about that thrill of the first kiss and waiting to ML for the first time, and the all consuming passion that is at the beginning of a relationship. Isn't it great? It doesn't last. But it doesn't have to be the end either. You won't be able to make her read or listen to anything, but The Passionate Marriage by Snarch was enlightening. He talks about marriage being a people growing machine. We don't mold the marriage, it molds us. Well, I'm not the expert on him, but over in SSM, there are some that will quote him at the drop of a hat. Interesting stuff. How about the Five Love Languages? Have you read that? Also interesting, although it made me cry. Its principles can be applied to many relationships, not just marriage. I thought it was worth a look.
Well, just wanted to know that I was reading your post and wish you well. I wish I knew what drives us to do the things we do. I was never trying to be distant or to push him away, but it was a vicious cycle. We wouldn't ML for a while, he would complain or nag and I would say to myself, well that's not the way to go about it buddy, and it would be just a little longer. What if he would have sent me a rose, called my from work, opened the door for me, what would it hurt..Kenny Rogers...Or if he would have booked the sitter and taken me out for dinner, surprised me with a weekend away from the kids. I love it when he makes dinner. Talking to me always works to. Get me a glass of wine, turn off the TV and sit on the couch with me.
Whatever, who knows. Maybe she is just immature. I know that I was at one time. I think I'm growing up, but at what price, eh?
Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
