It's almost like they don't want us to be happy, ya know? Like when I said to W that ML at the bed and breakfast helped my EC with her, and she responded, "just to let you know, it did not have that same effect with me."
Okey dokey, I'll make a note of that.
Hairdog - feeling as gloomy as the Missouri weather.
This is why life sux for us HDW. We have to do all the "relationship" work because we are women and we have to do all the "seduction" work because we are HD. I sometimes really wonder if I wouldn't be better off most evenings with a good book, a cuddly pet and a vibrator than my H's company.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: The significant thing was that afterwards he was SO loving and kind and thankful and appreciative of me. I have no idea why but I tend to think that he was relieved that I did not take his initial lack of interest personally, as I normally tend to do.
I have found that it is MUCH MUCH MUCH easier to hold on to myself when it really isn't me. That is, if I am holding on to myself and saying, It's not you--he's just struggling and will be ready for ya tomorrow.. well I find it easy to HOM in that situation. I know I am sexy, I know he finds me sexy, it is just a bad night and I need to get past any resentful feelings is all.
When it IS me.......well, that is another ball of wax. But that is a topic for another day. What I wanted to say was that I think if I can keep my wits about me and not fall apart when he is not interested in me, I do know ways of getting him interested.
Honeypot, I haven't read PM yet, but I feel like I know its basic concepts just from spending so much time on this board, and I THINK that that pretty much sums up how it's supposed to work, right there. Congrats!
My challenge -- and I suspect many of the other HD guys on here -- is:
Quote: What I wanted to say was that I think if I can keep my wits about me and not fall apart when he is not interested in me, I do know ways of getting him interested.
... we don't know ANY ways of getting her interested!!!
Choc., who could take the rejection better 90% of the time if there ever CAME a 10% . . .
Choc, I should have added that it worked last night...and might work more often than not...but it is not a surefire win, kwim?
I do feel for you HDH's. I think that women are much more stubborn and resentful in general and that would make it hard to arouse someone. My H is stubborn if I get persistent. If I keep it light and joking, like I did last night, he responds better. The problem is that I get sick of keeping it light--sometimes I want him to understand that this is serious biz to me and he needs to step up to the plate.
Oh well he is really being a gigundous idiot today, so I will sign off before I say something really bad about him.
Now he is writing me, telling me that my original date plan is fine with him. Duh, I have already cancelled it. Why does he think arranging a date (a cheap and creative one, at that!) and childcare is easy and something I can pull out of my a$$ at a moments notice, or when he finally decides that he's being a nitwit??
I know he is agreeing to my idea simply because he does not want me to be mad, as opposed to any real change of heart concerning D2's safety. Mojo I agree with you...us HDW's get the frickin shaft. My BIL is taking my sister in law (H's LD sister) on a beach vacation over Labor day weekend and wining and dining her. He is THAT desperate for sex with her. He still looks at it as this holy grail type thing...if only I can prove THIS to her, she will open up to me. If only I can show her via romancing her with a beach trip, THEN she will open up to me. IT IS HOGWASH!!!!!!!
Here I am, fat and sassy, and trying to think of ways to spend time with my H and he shoots it down with the air of a king who wouldn't lower himself to entertain such a notion..and...and.........he's just a nitwit, okay!
Some people are so negative and fussbudget-y that even the mere thought of the unknown (sending kids to a different place) sends him into a tizzy. Boy, I could understand it if we regularly left our kids but we don't. He has not taken me on a date so far this year. I am willing to do the legwork in planning dates but then King Nitwit is going to have to step off and let me handle it.
I need some romance! Someone to treat me special! Someone to jump my bones once in a blue moon! I can't do everything all by myself! (well actually I can, but how sucky is that, am I right Mojo)
Quote: I need some romance! Someone to treat me special! Someone to jump my bones once in a blue moon! I can't do everything all by myself! (well actually I can, but how sucky is that, am I right Mojo)
Sing it sister. I think you should tell him that since he cancelled the sitter he can stay home with the kids while you go out. I heard a rumor that there are 3 guys desperate for female companionship meeting at a bar somewhere in Missouri tonight. I bet they would at least buy you some expensive non-alcoholic drinks with fruit and parasols.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: I heard a rumor that there are 3 guys desperate for female companionship meeting at a bar somewhere in Missouri tonight.
And don't think I wouldn't jump in the car to spend a few hours laughing with a pregnant woman and two other horny guys over a few drinks. She could probably help pick out some good HD females for us.
As far as going on dates, he LOVES the idea. Always tells me how much he misses me and waxes nostalgic about "the early days" (before rugrats) and how we used to do so many fun things together. And we did! He says he desperately needs time away from the kids, with just me and him alone. He was thrilled that I was planning a date...I told him last night that I would tell him today what I had planned..that I had to contact the sitter and make sure we were on.
So I don't think that he views anything that I do as a power play (with the exception of how I sometimes go about stating that I need sex )
I think he is just a PITA.
I just sent him a message with this sentence:
You can either plan the dates and make the kiddie arrangements; OR, You can leave it all up to me and shut the hell up.
You do not have the right to sit back and do nothing, but then complain/cancel when I do things. Love, Hpot
Oh wait! Are you saying that my power play comes in the form of thinking that it has to be him or me planning it and that it should be a joint effort? Hmmm, that makes sense. I would love that; any form of interest on his part usually buoys me completely. I just have to steel myself to deal with King Nitwit when he freaks over every little detail of my ideas, all the while he sits there with no ideas of his own.
Ooops there I go telling the world what an idiot he is again.
And don't think I wouldn't jump in the car to spend a few hours laughing with a pregnant woman and two other horny guys over a few drinks. She could probably help pick out some good HD females for us.
)