Had an interesting conversation with H last night. First of all, shortly before bedtime he asked me if I minded if he took an extra long time in the bathroom, as he was going to shave. He indicated that he was going to shave his chest, stomach and genital area. He told me last week that this is something that makes him feel sexier..because the hair makes him self conscious, as well as the fact that he can 'feel' more of me when he is bare. So I immediately start getting revved up--how could I not!
He came out of the bathroom afterwards and looked beautiful. My H is the only man who I have ever been able to get sexually excited just from looking at his body. It appeals to me in a way that no other man's ever has, and I have been with men who are technically more "built" than H. Very strange, but I could look at him all day.
I complimented him generously when he came out, which I knew would make him self conscious but heck I knew he'd feel like that anyway. We got into bed and snuggled up. He rolled over and put his back to me. That, along with other body language, told me that he was not in the mood. Which was really a-okay with me but I still felt horny. I was exhausted from the evening before..didn't sleep well..and my eyes were having trouble staying open. I mumbled something about being so fatigued and so horny all at the same time. Well that woke him up! He said, "How can a person feel horny AND tired at the same time?" I said, "Well why not?" He replied that he is either tired or horny but not both at the same time. (LD people is this the case with you too?) I said that my experience is that I can feel bone tired but also feel a tingling down below...the two have nothing to do with each other, really. I can either say "yeah let's do it" and fight thru the tiredness, or I can say "ah forget it" and succumb to sweet sleep. Either way, it feels good to my body.
I think that this is part of an overall behavior pattern with my H, too. The notion that you are either doing A or B. He is either thinking about X or Y, but not both at the same time.
I was surprised to know that just the fact of me disclosing my horniness verbally really made a difference with him. I have no idea what the difference is for him, emotionally or mentally or whatever, from me SAYING that I'm horny or me touching him and initiating physically, but he seemed to appreciate it. Maybe it felt more respectful to him..that I didn't invade his personal space but said it with words? I could go with this method from time to time, I think, if he likes it. Not always though. After all, he NEVER uses this method. He is too skeered to verbally say what he wants so he either touches me or asks me what I want.
For me to have to say it every time would start to ruin the experience for me...I would feel as if I was "asking" when what I really wanted to do was just go for the kill. However, he seemed to like this approach so I will put it in my arsenal.
So his curiosity was piqued by me saying that I was horny for him. So I pulled out the big guns and used Journey's H's line on him, "Maybe I could lick you til you were not feeling so tired anymore.." That did the trick and we had a nice time together.
The significant thing was that afterwards he was SO loving and kind and thankful and appreciative of me. I have no idea why but I tend to think that he was relieved that I did not take his initial lack of interest personally, as I normally tend to do.
I have found that it is MUCH MUCH MUCH easier to hold on to myself when it really isn't me. That is, if I am holding on to myself and saying, It's not you--he's just struggling and will be ready for ya tomorrow.. well I find it easy to HOM in that situation. I know I am sexy, I know he finds me sexy, it is just a bad night and I need to get past any resentful feelings is all.
When it IS me.......well, that is another ball of wax. But that is a topic for another day. What I wanted to say was that I think if I can keep my wits about me and not fall apart when he is not interested in me, I do know ways of getting him interested. And I need to ditch this idea that if he is not gung ho from the beginning that the whole thing therefore sucks.
