Oh DB, you are absolutely correct. This is part of an overall behavioral pattern--he can be like this (reserved) in many areas of his life, not just sexually.
I do ask myself that from time to time..."Is this in keeping with his personality?" to remind myself that he's not withholding, etc.
As far as the procreation stuff, no that is not a problem for either of us thank goodness. I could spell out a list a mile long of the religious hangups he DID have, but that was not one of them. His libido plummets during my pregnancies b/c he can't concentrate on viewing me as his lover when there is so obviously someone else there with us, kwim? For him, it is the same as if the baby was laying in between us. Plus, he likes me slender and is not visually turned on by me in the pg state, although he is turned on by various aspects of pregnancy, such as the larger breasts, the fact that I am wet all the time, etc.
As far as did I know what I was getting into......hmmm, I don't know how to answer that one! H was NOTHING like he is now when we first married. He did not become so involved in the Church until we had been married about 18 mos. It was a huge shock to me. Prior to that, we were the types to go to Mass on Sundays and that's about it. His personality underwent a complete overhaul and I seriously wondered if he would leave me to pursue the priesthood. His attitude about sex prior to this transformation was.....hmmm, what's the best way to characterize it....how about Shy-but-Horny-all-the-time? That is, he was not the guy ogling me or anything but he would grope and we ML at all times of the day and in public, etc. He was reserved and is NOT a pushy person (in regards to me) but he was as aggressive as someone like him gets.
So to answer your question, no I don't think I really knew what he was all about. He changed so drastically in the first few yrs of our marriage that I still sometimes sit back and wonder Who IS this guy that I'm married to! For that matter, though, I don't think HE knew what he was all about either. He has spent the last 5 yrs ditching his hangups and developing a more healthy relationship with God and me both.
As of right now, I wish he were more aggressive and I wish I didn't have to be the "gatekeeper" of frequency. Other than that, I am quite satisfied with our love life--or will be after our baby is born. But this gatekeeping stuff............man is it for the birds.
The frequency will work itself out I feel confident of that. The aggressiveness? I don't know. How do you insist that a reserved person becomes sexually aggressive? Is this even a reasonable request? Does it matter that he was more aggressive at an earlier time in our marriage, or should I only focus on who he is now? Is it important enough to him to dig deep and find that part of himself again?
