Last night was an interesting night. I think that I was able to extract some good info from H in regards to what's going on these days, with his desire.
As you all know, his desire plummets during my pregnancies. I don't think I really comprehended the depth of this until last night. We came to bed and I did not wait for him to jump me..why set the stage for disappointment I thought. So I jumped him instead. Well, as much as a fat pg lady can jump anyone. Before my head even hit the pillow I reached over and began giving him a hj. He was so soft and small and I love getting my hands on it like that.
This went on for a few minutes while we talked about our day. I shifted position and felt the strangest sensation. I put my other hand on my belly and was amazed to feel a foot...elbow..something just jutting up out of my stomach! I made the cardinal error of saying, "Oh H! You gotta feel this!" He did and though he was enthralled by feeling his babe so close and present among us, it killed his arousal completely. He took my hand away and we enjoyed our baby for what seemed like a long while. He asked me all kinds of questions (does it do that often?). He does not often touch my belly to see what it feels like so he was out of the loop as far as what the baby actually feels like these days. While he was talking I laid there and tried to imagine what it would be like if it were H who was pregnant and what it would do to my desire. I found myself empathizing greatly with him at that moment! What a strange experience it would be to feel limbs, etc, sticking out of your lover's body. I tried to conceive of how disconcerting it would be to have a baby's head right in the spot where I needed to be. Finally I realized what an impact it would have on me to see the phsyical changes in him...who looks the same as when we married.
I then apologized to him for not being as empathetic as I could to his difficulties. I said that I am so used to feeling the baby...it is with me 24 hours a day...that I must carry on with my normal activities, what other option is there! But I could suddenly see how it would change your perception of your spouse if you were not experiencing it all the time. Now I know that not all men feel this way, but mine does and I really FELT for him for the first time. I think that seeing and feeling his erection go away really made me wake up to the fact that this is such a struggle for him. He struggles with having desire as it is, but add this into the mix and boy is he having a hard time. Now, NOP, I know you've been trying to tell me this all along but I am a stubborn woman, what can I say.
I didn't think he would be able to recover after that. I think the only reason he even tried is that he knew I would blow a gasket if that shut him down. So he initiated foreplay again and I helped him along with a little dirty talk. Then he took the talk to the next level and before I knew it I was having an O just from that. We began ML and his dirty talk turned into a full blown fantasy and he was an uninhibited as I've EVER heard him be! I was really surprised and had another O. He never did, though, and that killed a large part of the fun for me. He said afterwards that he was so focused on me and my enjoyment that he wasn't paying enough attention to himself. He also made a remark that "it would make tomorrow night even better". This is a concept that is foreign to HD people--we are the Wimpy's of the world, thinking "Why put off for tomorrow what you can have today??"
In closing, lol, I think it is time for me to accept that this is as good as it gets for the remainder of my pregnancy. I have been holding on to a silly hope that we will rise above this and that is not going to happen. We all have limitations and this is his. I asked him last night what factors would bring his desire back after the baby is born: Having the baby outta 'his' space, my body returning to normal, or both. He said both. I wasn't sure if there was a way around it or not...meaning, if it is just my shape, I could suggest alternate positions.(say, rear entry, where he can't even see my belly and honestly my butt is no bigger than a size 10, he oughta be able to still find something attractive there!) But since it is the whole package, I think I just need to relax and have faith that, after this is all over, he will still want to work on this with me.
As for the rest, him being aggressive and jumping me, etc, I think I finally realize that this is not the time to be addressing that. Now, someone remind me of that when I am going stark raving mad again in a week or two because he wants nothing to do with me.
