Last night was an interesting night. I think that I was able to extract some good info from H in regards to what's going on these days, with his desire.
As you all know, his desire plummets during my pregnancies. I don't think I really comprehended the depth of this until last night. We came to bed and I did not wait for him to jump me..why set the stage for disappointment I thought. So I jumped him instead. Well, as much as a fat pg lady can jump anyone. Before my head even hit the pillow I reached over and began giving him a hj. He was so soft and small and I love getting my hands on it like that.
This went on for a few minutes while we talked about our day. I shifted position and felt the strangest sensation. I put my other hand on my belly and was amazed to feel a foot...elbow..something just jutting up out of my stomach! I made the cardinal error of saying, "Oh H! You gotta feel this!" He did and though he was enthralled by feeling his babe so close and present among us, it killed his arousal completely. He took my hand away and we enjoyed our baby for what seemed like a long while. He asked me all kinds of questions (does it do that often?). He does not often touch my belly to see what it feels like so he was out of the loop as far as what the baby actually feels like these days. While he was talking I laid there and tried to imagine what it would be like if it were H who was pregnant and what it would do to my desire. I found myself empathizing greatly with him at that moment! What a strange experience it would be to feel limbs, etc, sticking out of your lover's body. I tried to conceive of how disconcerting it would be to have a baby's head right in the spot where I needed to be. Finally I realized what an impact it would have on me to see the phsyical changes in him...who looks the same as when we married.
I then apologized to him for not being as empathetic as I could to his difficulties. I said that I am so used to feeling the baby...it is with me 24 hours a day...that I must carry on with my normal activities, what other option is there! But I could suddenly see how it would change your perception of your spouse if you were not experiencing it all the time. Now I know that not all men feel this way, but mine does and I really FELT for him for the first time. I think that seeing and feeling his erection go away really made me wake up to the fact that this is such a struggle for him. He struggles with having desire as it is, but add this into the mix and boy is he having a hard time. Now, NOP, I know you've been trying to tell me this all along but I am a stubborn woman, what can I say.
I didn't think he would be able to recover after that. I think the only reason he even tried is that he knew I would blow a gasket if that shut him down. So he initiated foreplay again and I helped him along with a little dirty talk. Then he took the talk to the next level and before I knew it I was having an O just from that. We began ML and his dirty talk turned into a full blown fantasy and he was an uninhibited as I've EVER heard him be! I was really surprised and had another O. He never did, though, and that killed a large part of the fun for me. He said afterwards that he was so focused on me and my enjoyment that he wasn't paying enough attention to himself. He also made a remark that "it would make tomorrow night even better". This is a concept that is foreign to HD people--we are the Wimpy's of the world, thinking "Why put off for tomorrow what you can have today??"
In closing, lol, I think it is time for me to accept that this is as good as it gets for the remainder of my pregnancy. I have been holding on to a silly hope that we will rise above this and that is not going to happen. We all have limitations and this is his. I asked him last night what factors would bring his desire back after the baby is born: Having the baby outta 'his' space, my body returning to normal, or both. He said both. I wasn't sure if there was a way around it or not...meaning, if it is just my shape, I could suggest alternate positions.(say, rear entry, where he can't even see my belly and honestly my butt is no bigger than a size 10, he oughta be able to still find something attractive there!) But since it is the whole package, I think I just need to relax and have faith that, after this is all over, he will still want to work on this with me.
As for the rest, him being aggressive and jumping me, etc, I think I finally realize that this is not the time to be addressing that. Now, someone remind me of that when I am going stark raving mad again in a week or two because he wants nothing to do with me.
Thanks for not rubbing the vac in my face; I can't take any more stress!
Hope you had a good time and, my friend, just what is stopping you from going up to that woman of yours and TAKING a hug? Come on, two months of no affection at all! That should be against the law.....
So, honey, what I hear you saying is that you wish you could un-velcro your beautiful belly and take it off for an hour or two while you DO and get DONE and F*CK your H...
HP, I had been doing that, as she does not come up to me for hugs, and the last hug I tried for was what I refer to as an "armless hug" this is where she crosses her arms over her chest and does not wrap them around me. I took that as a hint that I had been a bit zealous, as far as she was concerned, with the physical stuff and needed to back off.
However last night she woke me up in the middle of the night and asked me to roll over so she could snuggle with my back.
She has issues with being physical, including hugs, when she is angry with me over whatever and tends to hang on to that anger for weeks at a time.
Scott
"Satisfaction is not guaranteed." Rule #19 Ferengi "Rules of Acquistition"
I remember my wife's pregnancy well. One of my favorite recurring events was during the last couple of months. My wife would cuddle up to my back, belly against me, and my unborn daughter would shove against me as hard as she could with both feet. She wanted her space! This would awaken me, but my wife would sleep right through it :-)
After she was born and often ended up in our bed, she would do the same thing. One night in particular, I woke up just as I was falling off the bed. My daughter was lying sideways (perpendicular) between my wife and I. I still laugh every time I recall that night.
I loved seeing little hands and feet almost protruding from my wife. That was such a thrill.
Pregnant women are truly beautiful.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
NOP, My H and I attended a conference in February through our church and the topic was sex. It was an excellent conference, btw. We both loved it.
One of the things they talked about was how many people have trouble "integrating" their sexuality into the rest of the personality. They tend to keep it a separate compartment and only want to take it out on an as needed basis. H and I were laughing at this part cause this fits him to a T.
So I don't think it's so much that he finds pregnancy disgusting, or that he is emotionally uninvolved with this new baby...it's that he can't think of me as his lover and the mother of his children at the same time. He can either enjoy the baby's limbs protruding and completely shelve the sex, or he can not touch my belly at all (which has been his MO) and focus on me as his lover. Now, I am not saying that he should be able to simultaneously stroke my cl*t and rub my belly...that would be a little too weird, lol!...but even after one belly touch he can't get back into the moment. It is ruined for him.
This is perhaps not the best example but he (by his own admission) has a hard time integrating his sexual self into the rest of him.
On a positive note, last night about 6:00 he gave me a hug and had a twinkle in his eye. He said, "I know I am horrible about falling asleep on you night after night...I'm telling you if we could manage to sneak away at this time every day, I would love it!" I replied by jokingly taking his hand and heading off for the bedroom. Now, it was not a good time with the kids..we had just finished dinner and had been promised some playtime with Dad so there was no starting a movie or whatever...but I felt so good to have him acknowledge that he DOES have a horny time of day. I don't know if that stands for every day or not like he said; that was most likely a gross exaggeration. But I was VERY proud of him for even initiating that moment. He keeps saying that early evening is 'his' time so maybe there is hope for when our kids are a little older and more self sufficient, after all.
One of the fantasies we were blabbing about last night during ML was how I would attack him during this time of day and what I would do. Me being HD and eternally optimistic I am wanting to try something today! Somebody slap me and tell me to chill. I need to implement this plan when the baby is here and the 30 lbs is gone; then he will really be receptive to it. But by then I will have a newborn who is commanding all my attention! aaaaaaaaaaaaaghhhhhhhh, will honeypot never get her desire and passion???
So glad to hear your good news! Now you can go back to using that great decollete for what the good lord meant it for!!
What a wonderful insight into your H's feelings. Understanding is a greatly underrated aphrodiasiac .
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
.