Do the guys think, "I guess I am just not handsome enough.." and all other sorts of ridiculous thoughts when being rejected?
Absolutely, and as a HDH I think it's even worse since it's more important to me (than to my W) for maintaining an EC....add is a dose of low self-esteem (which both W and I suffer from) and things get ugly real quick.
As far as "ridiculous thoughts", they're what H is likely feeling and I hope you don't characterize them as "ridiculous" to him, that will do wonders for your R....NOT!
Of course I'm only speculating here, since I don't know your H, and it's his issue to deal with , assuming he recognizes or is willing to admit it, which I know I likely couldn't have in my early 30's (that's your ages, right?). Hopefully you can (gently) steer you H towards resolving (or seeking help) with his feelings, assuming this is part of what is bothering him.
My advice is settle for what you can get (lemonade when you have lemons), a night of "scheduled" LM, is far better than NO LM....and while I always felt that LM should be spontaneous, I know that's not always possible. (recall that when you were dating before marriage the spontaneous LM wasn't likly really spontaneous, since it likely occured on/after dates, so both of you had all day to anticipate it!)
Last, but not least {{{{ HP }}}}, I'm sure the lumpectomy will turn out OK, I'll keep you in my prayers.
