I forgot to add that at one point I was really being a jerk. He was talking about "men" in a general and stereotypical way (in his usual waaaaaaaay off fashion, too) and telling me that other guys are like him, etc. I replied that I was sure there were plenty of men who would love having a wife like me. Then I added, "And you'd better hope I never meet any of them."
What an azzhole!! Even as I was saying it, I knew it was the most pathetic and lousy attempt to rile him up and generate who-knows-what that I could come up with. He said nothing for a long while then said that the comment was uncalled for and I had no right to say things like that. I agreed and apologized and said that I was just being a big fat jerk.
I don't think there is anything wrong with our partners knowing that there are others out there who would not be as nonchalant as they are.......but still what a crap comment to make. I have no intention of cheating on H or looking for another person to fill this need, so why say it?
Just to piss him off, is the answer. I am really ashamed of that, as well as anything else I might have said that attempted to tear him down instead of build him up. I can PM him without tearing him down...I know how to do it and have done it before. This was just me being an ass.
I had this irrational thought in my mind that since I am all over the emotional map, that he should pamper me..in the way that he knows means the most to me. Then I expected him to know this without me spelling it out. In short, I am a mess these days.
But my original question stands: What to do when the HD partner wants to be attacked? Without having to ask for it or plan for it, which would obviously ruin the experience? I don't want this often (it is very difficult for H and I do have a lot of empathy for him) but once in a while is really important to me. I just can't figure out how to make it happen.
