Jo, We had a place like that here also; I think it has gone out of business tho. I always wondered what sort of clientele they were advertising to..? Who would be driving along thinking, Oh a sale! Mom's gonna be kickin the bucket any day now, let's check it out..
Maybe people are that practical, I don't know!
Hairdoggie, Yes dear I know you have my body parts in mind and I appreciate the selfless devotion you show to all your (female) friends.
H just emailed me and asked if I perceive him to be withholding. I do not, btw.
I wrote back that I don't perceive him this way, based on the amount of loving mercy sex he offers me. A truly withholding person would have none o' that. I did add "However, I don't see you as a passionate person either. Sortof like a drugged person who is happy no matter what happens to him."
Yep, get a really good deal on a comfortable place for your eternal repose. Where are you gonna store it? It's that eclectic coffee table that you have in the formal living room, a moth-free storage closet for your furs and fine heirloom linens.. I'm sure that it would have many practical uses... Would you bring it out for Halloween and use it as a beverage chiller for the party? I would....
Hairy, He's a former Marine sniper so my harsh words have little effect on him. (that he lets me know about anyway)
Besides, he knows better than to ask me a question unless he wants an honest answer.
In addition to that, I don't know that he really cares what I actually think of him as long as I don't perceive him as withholding. That would bother him because it goes against his religious code to withhold sex.
Now he is offering a "date" tonight and I am undecided on how to respond to that. I suppose I should be grateful for the effort but I am pullin a Cemar and saying, It means nothing to me without desiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiire..........whaaaaaaaaaa.
I have been watching your thread and found it very helpful and humorous at times. maybe what i am going to say is more for me than you, but here it goes.
If he is asking the questions and asking you for a date, then it seems that he is paying attention to the M. It may not be exactly what you want, but it is the little things that count isn't it? I know that I don't pay enough attention to the little things my W does because it is not what I want - passionate, wild S. But she is trying to connect.
Just an outsider looking in.
There are 3 sides to every situation: yours, mine and the truth. Knowing the difference is the key.
(((HP))) "The results are negative... the results are negative." My W went through "the biopsy thing" in February this year, and it was negative. She has to go back for a follow-up mammo. in September. I know that it's a stressful time.
Anyways... holy macaroni... after reading this thread and reading A TON in PM over the weekend about self-validated intimacy vs. other-validated intimacy and wondering how I'm gonna "get there"... HP and MM are saying that, even after PMing their H's over and over, they still have occasional issues with self-validated intimacy! Are we HDs doomed to live in cycles? Can we ever be happy for more than a few days? *sigh*
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change... courage to change the things I can... and wisdom to know the difference.
Hi Lost, "Date" is his word for finally ML to me. He does not take me on dates or do anything romantic in nature.
And the questions he is asking is in direct relation to the fact that I was pissy with him last night. If I never mentioned sex or romance again, he'd never bring it up!
So he is sucking up more than acting on any genuine desire to be with me or know my inner thoughts on withholding, lol.
That's okay..it is better than a snore, which is what I usually hear in response to any sex or romance queries.
I forgot to add that at one point I was really being a jerk. He was talking about "men" in a general and stereotypical way (in his usual waaaaaaaay off fashion, too) and telling me that other guys are like him, etc. I replied that I was sure there were plenty of men who would love having a wife like me. Then I added, "And you'd better hope I never meet any of them."
What an azzhole!! Even as I was saying it, I knew it was the most pathetic and lousy attempt to rile him up and generate who-knows-what that I could come up with. He said nothing for a long while then said that the comment was uncalled for and I had no right to say things like that. I agreed and apologized and said that I was just being a big fat jerk.
I don't think there is anything wrong with our partners knowing that there are others out there who would not be as nonchalant as they are.......but still what a crap comment to make. I have no intention of cheating on H or looking for another person to fill this need, so why say it?
Just to piss him off, is the answer. I am really ashamed of that, as well as anything else I might have said that attempted to tear him down instead of build him up. I can PM him without tearing him down...I know how to do it and have done it before. This was just me being an ass.
I had this irrational thought in my mind that since I am all over the emotional map, that he should pamper me..in the way that he knows means the most to me. Then I expected him to know this without me spelling it out. In short, I am a mess these days.
But my original question stands: What to do when the HD partner wants to be attacked? Without having to ask for it or plan for it, which would obviously ruin the experience? I don't want this often (it is very difficult for H and I do have a lot of empathy for him) but once in a while is really important to me. I just can't figure out how to make it happen.
My W went through "the biopsy thing" in February this year, and it was negative. She has to go back for a follow-up mammo. in September. I know that it's a stressful time.
