Is it ever acceptable to want your partner to read your mind?
Intellectually I know the answer to this but lately I have a hard time living this out.
My H's horniness was short lived, if it was ever there.
So the last two nights I have laid there and wanted so badly to be done. To have him take control and show me his desire and enthusiasm. Of course, there was no way for him to know this. My outward signs were not flowing and he is justified in not realizing what I wanted. NOT that he should be realizing squat; I'm just trying to paint the picture accurately.
I couldn't help but feel disappointed the first night when he went to sleep. The second night I gave in to my pissiness and picked a fight with him. He (correctly) said that he had no idea what I wanted. I replied that I believed that to be true and yet, still, he knows that I want more sex than 0-1 time per week. I asked him what the problem was..what had changed from HIM wanting it 2-3 times per week to less than 1. He replied that he didn't know. He could not answer whether it is definitively the pregnancy or not; my suspicion is that it plays a part but that he is just getting into a different pattern than the one we were in. (I will hold off on speculating which pattern--frequent or infrequent--he enjoys more:)
He said that he wished I would tell him when I am in these moods. I agreed with him that I was being unreasonable but that I couldn't figure out how to handle the situation--if I TELL him that I want my bones jumped, doesn't it completely change the dynamics of the encounter from being jumped to H following orders??
He has offered mercy sex the last two nights and I declined. I can't even say that I am at a place where I appreciated the offer.
I need someone to whack me and tell me to give him a break--he is not a mindreader. I apologized to H last night, fwiw, because of this very thing.
So my question becomes: Is it ever acceptable to want your partner to mind read? Can I want it but just not reserve the right to become pissy if he doesn't catch my brainwaves I'm throwin at him?
I'm just thinking that there are certain sexual wants that cannot be explicitly stated or the whole atmosphere is lost. Wanting to be attacked is one of those.
Now, I should point out that my H attacking me is still very very subtle. It would involve, say, some passionate kisses and caresses and then him saying that he wants to ML. That's it.
I'm not sure how to deal with the problem of his not owning his desire. He will "offer" sex to me but will not EVER say that he wants it on his own, even if all the obvious signs are there. He will always ask if I want it and wait for me to show my own desire before he will reciprocate. I'm not sure how Schnarch would deal with him.
But that approach aint what Momma's in the mood for, LOL! I want a lover who will, occasionally, show me his desire first. And I don't want to have to 'draw' those feelings out of him. This is perhaps where the HDW's and the HDH's part company. I think the fellas are much more willing to work the scene. I work the scene normally but I felt the need for some pampering this weekend and wanted H to just take the damn reins, for once.
He said last night that he needs to feel "safe" before he can continue on with the initiation. And until I show my desire clearly he can't feel safe. I replied that this puts me in a false place b/c I have to "show" arousal that I am technically not feeling yet. If I just lay there and enjoy it, he will stop. There HAS to be some outward sign. Me doing the LDW stuff will not suffice either. I cannot drape my leg across him so that he has better access or position myself so that he can caress my breasts. These things are so normal in my home that he takes them for granted. The signs he is looking for would be something like: increased breathing, me saying something, grabbing his penis, kissing him, etc. I could have done those things either night and I wouldn't be feeling frustrated this morning but I am in a stubborn mood, I suppose. I WANT HIM TO DO ME. Me specifically requesting that (and holding him to it because he would inevitably try to weasel out of it) would totally ruin the experience for me.
Sometimes it seems as if the HD partner will forever have to accept the limited way of ML that the LD partner will allow. After all, I can't MAKE him show his desire first. I have PM'ed him, did it last night in fact, and this does not appear to be an area in which I will ever see progress.
I think I'm just stressed this morning. I sure could have used a good f*ck this weekend. He thinks I'm weird for feeling that way (he told me this in so many words, btw) but I could care less!
