Joyrides and Backslides--The Story of Us

[honeypot]

Hey guys,
Well my H has always said, Don't just do something subtle, you've got to let me know without a doubt that you want sex. Just grab it (that is what he prefers) or get on top of me.

How am I supposed to grab it in light of the wax on/wax off sheot? He is hysterical!!

He really does want me to initiate but only on a night when he's horny. Now.......I don't read minds and though I am pretty good at reading his body language, I absolutely refuse to only initiate on a night when he's in the mood. There are night when I'm not in the mood and I do NOT reject him because I know how it feels.
Ok, these nights are few and far between but still.....

That's not even the point. The point is that I want the freedom to go with what feels natural to me. If he wants to reject it, fine. Do it in a more mature way and furthermore make sure that this is not the rule. If you say that you want your spouse to be more aggressive and forthcoming with affection and initiation then gosh dammit you'd better be willing to be receptive to it!!!!!!

Otherwise just say "I only want to have sex when: I am not tired; I am in the mood; I am not irritated with you or the kids; I have had some time to myself; you have shown the proper amount of affection; it is not past 9:00; and you are not pregnant."

Now that is a list I can work with!

I have to meet him at 10:30 and I am trying to keep the EC going, even though I'm irritated with him.
Gotta go get gussied up and show him what he was missin out on last night.

Cheers,
Honey

[pigtails]

Dear HP,

I've been keeping up with your thread, and we are in very similar situations. Check out mine, Tired and Frustrated! I think that we could certainly relate to each others' stories. My H has responded to me in that way more times than I could possibly count. He has even smacked my hand like you would a small child for touching something they shouldn't be touching!

I am new to all of this and have been DBing about 1 week now. I am going to read up on your background. Catch you later. Hang in there!

Pigtails

[cinemanymph]

You can take this insight for what its worth, but I am often very sensitive (jumpy, tickelish) when being touched. If I am certain that my H was touching me with no expectation of sex behind the touching, I can relax into it and become aroused. If I know that he is expecting his touching to go beyond pleasing me tactically, I get jumpy/ticklish. It is not something I can control any more than I could control a facial tic or a hiccough. I have told H this and when he does make the effort, he has been rewarded with a hot tryst. It is not repulsion I feel, but frustration that sexual touch initially gives rise of these responses in me. It would be much more (mutually) satisfying that I be able to respond more readily.

[honeypot]

But see, Nymph, I don't want my H second guessing my motives when I touch him. He needs to be thinking about himSELF and not analyzing what I may or may not be doing. It is my opinion that it is THIS behavior which inhibits his desire, rather than my actual touching.

But I do appreciate the opinion.

Here is how I touch him when I get into bed: He lays on his back. I get in bed and put the BACK of my hand on his stomach or side, much in the way you would approach an angry dog. I have found that the back of my hand is less ticklish and offensive to him than my fingertips. Then when he is acclimated to my fingertips, I flip my hand around and keep it perfectly still. There is no caressing or attempts to touch erogenous zones.

See........the very FACT that I was touching him was flipping him out. It had nothing to do with my intentions or the manner in which I was touching. It was the fact that I was touching him (the back of my hand, for goodness sakes!) and he didn't want me to. This really offends and bothers him. He considers it a violation of his space.

I suppose you could make a case for that but then again I could make a pretty strong case for the countless times DAILY when he invades my personal earball space with his discussions on religion and faith.

I don't know how this is coming off...I hope it is not argumentative! I am just outspoken and IRL you would know that b/c I'd be saying all this with an exasperated smile and a drink in my hand. (provided the pg was over, mind you..)

[cinemanymph]

HP,
Sorry if I read it wrong. I don't consider touching an invasion, in fact I welcome it. I was trying to explain that as an LD I am not revolted by touch, but frustrated that I am not able to interpret touch in the loving way it is expressed. I am on this board trying to accomplish just that. I hope your H can achieve the same .

[Julie33]

Maybe multi-colored flags is the answer here. You can each have a set. Red means "No chance in hell, so don't even think about it". Green means "I am frisky, so look out". Yellow means "Maybe, maybe". Purple means "I am not in the mood, but if you are, lets go for it".

Then there will have to be a set of rules that goes with each combination of flags. So, for example - if HP's is green and Mr. HP's is red, his will have to be green for the next 3 days. If, on the other hand, HP's is green and Mr. HP's is yellow, he is allowed to change it to either red or purple. And so on...

Yes, yes, I think this could work.

J

[cinemanymph]

Jules,
You are a genius!! Is there an SOS or a Mayday flag?

[sat567]

Just a suggestion. Try this.

Hairdog

[cinemanymph]

HD,
I hope your W appreciates how consistently funny you are! You have me ROFLOL!

[MJontheMend]

Maybe multi-colored flags is the answer here. You can each have a set. Red means "No chance in hell, so don't even think about it". Green means "I am frisky, so look out". Yellow means "Maybe, maybe". Purple means "I am not in the mood, but if you are, lets go for it".

I think maybe the flag thing was part of my H's problem with my previously nonsexy wardrobe. He thought I was giving him mixed messages by waving a red flag with my clothing, but a green flag otherwise. Of course, now that I'm waving a green flag with my clothing, he doesn't want me to leave the house in case other guys think I'm waving it at them. I told him this weekend that if he wants to go to the mall and buy me some clothes that are just the perfect mix of attractive yet not sexy, I would be happy to wear them, but I am just not that talented style-wise. I told him that I am the sort of attractive woman who is more sexy than pretty, so it's not that easy. He said that as far as men are concerned pretty and sexy are the same thing. I really would like to know if this is true or just some sort of LD semantics.