Heya Mo! It really was a good conversation..I don't know if it will have any lasting impact but it felt good to have a heart to heart with him. (btw, he had a few things to discuss too so it wasn't just me peckin away at him)
I really believe that the planning and anticipation aspect of sex is half the battle--maybe even more.
Think about it: When we were dating, H would ask me for a date or we would plan the next time we would see each other. He would think of me throughout the day and what we would do. Then he would come home, shower, making sure to get all his parts squeaky clean (preparing for sex), he would shave extra close (preparing for sex), put on hand lotion (preparing to touch my soft skin), slap on some cologne cause he knows I like it, dress in good lookin clothes in order to appear attractive to me, ETC ETC.
A woman might put on sexy underwear, shave her legs (or more), give herself an extra sexy makeup job, ETC. Both people are planning on having sex that night so it is fresh in their minds. The thinking of the impending sex is what gets them going--not so much the 'newness' and all the other stuff that is so widely touted as reasons for why sex is so good in a new relationship. I mean, that stuff applies too, but my belief is that it is the MENTAL part of it...the anticipation and planning and actual actions being taken (ie, shaving, sexy clothes) that influence how a person feels and the state of mind they are in.
Now, granted, this is a lot easier for me to maintain because my body is helping me along. I know that my natural sex drive is higher than H's and it keeps me in a sexy mood almost all the time. So I recognize and empathize that it is not easy for him.
But I also think that too many LD people think that being HD is a state of hormones and either ya got em or ya don't. I disagree. I think that anything that you plan for and take steps towards, you will achieve. There will of course be differing levels of desire achieved but it WILL get stronger.
And it's not even about the other person. That's the kicker of the whole thing. My H shaving and lotioning himself up is about HIM being the best self he can be and feeling good and confident and as if he has something to offer me. It is also about his fantasies getting rolling while he is doing those actions.
I would think (though I don't know for certain) that ALL people feel better about themselves when they feel sexy and confident.
Oh, I forgot to add one thing that he said during the conversation: As I was asking him if he was in tune to his sexuality, he said "I am when I am shaved." I said, "What??" He then went on to say that when he shaves himself he feels very sexy and wants me. When it is too jungle-y down south, he doesn't feel sexy. I was surprised at this (I really don't care, though I do like it when he shaves mostly cause it means that he has made some effort to be sexual!) but it does seem to confirm the theory that desire originates both in the body and the mind as well as what your behavior is. This is not new news to most people but it is to my H.
