Quote: How can a person feel romantic love for someone and not want to ML to them also? How is this romantic love? I am not being sarcastic either. I am wondering how it feels to feel romantic love with no desire. Wouldn't it feel like a best friend love? Or a mother and child love? You know...that deep and fierce love that is impossible to describe in words...is that what it feels like?
This is an interesting question. The last time I felt romantic love that wasn't at all sexual, I was in the 6th grade. So, sexual immaturity would be one answer, but I don't think that works for your H. There are a lot of things that are romantic but not very sexual IMO; Hallmark cards, teddy bears with hearts on their chest, the music of Barry Manilow etc.
Perhaps, the way to gain some perspective on your question is to ask yourself the opposite. How can a person want to have sex with someone and not feel romantic love? This question is a lot easier to answer if you're HD. I had some pretty great no heartstrings attached sex in my single days, so it's clear to me that the two feelings aren't necessarily linked.
I think the goal of everyone on this board is to get to a place where desire and romantic love are present and evident for both partners most of the time. Right now, you've only got 3 out of 4 present and evident for you. The thing is your H might actually be worse off because he might only have 2 present and evident for him because he is currently out of touch with his desire for you and he might interpret your anger as a lack of romantic love for him. Maybe this is why taking a tough stand works for HD partners. Maybe the bare minimum a marriage needs to survive is 3 out of 4. If the HD partner loses some emotional fusion, the LD partner might experience this as a drop in romantic love, therefore they know they better come up with some desire or the relationship is toast.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
