NOP, As I was out driving alone today (a rare occurrence) this same truth came to me. Isn't that funny?
One day about 3 weeks ago I told my H that I needed sex. In the absence of sex I would take copious amounts of affection. In the absence of sex and affection, I would take quality time. I said, "In other words, there are other ways to meet my needs if you don't feel like sex. Personally I think the other two are more time consumptive than sex but that is your choice to make. But if days go by without one of these three things happening: Sex, Affection, or Quality Time, then I will start to feel despondent and have a really bad outlook."
He said that he liked my ranking and he agreed with it. However, there are many many days go by (this was the realization in the car) in which none of these things are addressed. One or two days, I can chalk up to busyness but beyond that I think that we are talking about a more serious problem.
So the black cloud starts to descend, for me, when none of these things are addressed. It is NOT only sex. Sex is my preferred way of interacting with him, post 8:00 p.m. but it isn't the only acceptable way.
What he sometimes wants me to accept is this: He wants to be selfish and keep to himself for days without end while simultaneously having me believe that he loves me. I don't work that way.
So even though we have not had sex or affection in our lives since last Friday, the fact that he would stay at the hosp last night meant a lot to me. I really could have cared less if he stayed or went, but I recognized that HE was doing it for me and so I took his action for what it was--a loving gesture.
Too often lately his gestures ring hollow with me and there is no real deep emotion behind them besides wanting to give me what he wants when he feels like dishing it out.
I am really not that hard of a person to please and I do lose the EC if there is NO attempt on his part to meet me halfway.
I feel positive about tonight. I think we have a halfway decent chance of reconnecting in some way.
