You know, folks, the lack of sex causes a lot of my H's good (and even outstanding) qualities to sometimes go unseen by me. Rather, it is the lack of sex which causes the lack of emotional connection which causes me to be blind to his really wonderful traits cause, quite frankly, I am not looking for them. I am not motivated or inspired to look for them. I am content to carry on for a few days feeling out of sorts but still happy until a few days after THAT in which I feel the disconnection so acutely that I feel compelled to act on it asap.
Nonetheless, his good qualities are there the whole time. If I could retrain myself to see them regardless of the EC, I am wondering if that would help me get the EC back faster and without making it so contingent on ML? I personally did not get a whole lot out of the 5 love languages book but there is some truth to it: Speak my language and I will feel loved. If I speak yours, you will feel loved. Regardless of whether I am actually trying to "love" you or not..
Last night, I was at the hospital with my laboring sister. I had forgotten something from home and called my H to see if he would bring it to me, which of course he did. He then proceeded to stay the entire night until the baby was born (which he cares nothing about--not in a mean way, but in a masculine "if it's not my baby, I don't need to be here" way) as a sign of support for me. Since this was my first 'gig' as a doula he was SO excited for me--much more than I was about it--and wanted to stay until the end so he could experience my excitement with me.
Why do I not see this man as the person he is? He is giving and wonderful and is my number one fan, always.
Why does this black cloud hang over me and create a filter through which I view him? I really want to get past this. I just cannot seem to keep the EC unless we are frequently ML, which has not been happening lately due to his hangups with my pg. I do try and it is forced sometimes but the effort from my end is there.
Any suggestions or thoughts are welcome.
P.S. Everything went well with my sister and the new babe!
