Tony, This was a very eloquent post. I wish your wife could see and hear the pain you project here; it would certainly assist her in her 'change'.
My husband is at more risk of alienating himself with our kids, isn't that funny? He actually did this for a time with D4, who was D2 at the time, and it was sad. Sad for me, sad for her because she was rapidly turning into a spoiled princess, sad for him because he had no life other than her and her demands, etc. It took a long time for me to undo the damage he did by making her the center of his life (as opposed to his wife) but as she nears the bend towards 5, I can honestly say that my kid rocks. He would get home from work, we'd eat supper and then she would 'force' him to go back in her room and shut the door and they'd play together until it was her bedtime. I sat by myself and watched TV, an activity I'm not fond of in the first place. She would shut the door so that he was not tempted to come talk to me and so that she had him trapped. They'd play blocks, read books, whatever, but if I attempted to come join the party, she'd freak. She knew she had a competitor. It was TOTALLY unnatural and H was actually relieved when I put my foot down. I will stop now cause I am making my H sound like a wimpy weirdo, but suffice it to say that his parenting skills were way out of whack from day one. He has always been super-willing to put me on the back burner..always super-confident that my love is strong and not going anywhere..this both bothers me and makes me feel good, oddly enough!
Anyway, just wanted to say that it is a rare day when I bury myself in my kids (any more than normal, I am a SAHM) but when I do it feels sooooo good that I know why women do it. They love me, they want me, they are happy with little gestures, they do not withhold from me--they're the best!
However, they are a secondary reason I got married. He is the primary and will stay the primary until we are no longer together. Sometimes it is a conscious effort to do this, but a necessary one.
