Quote: I really don't have that option to go out when I'm upset at the lack of sex. My kids are little and they need me here. This is, in part, an excuse and partly truth. In a little while I will have a newborn who is dependent on me for nourishment so I will not be able to leave it at all.
So, for me, the answer to that question is to immerse myself in my kids and let that fill the hole.
We all have ways of separating ourselves from our loved ones when they disappoint us. Honey fills her time with her children, which is a wonderful thing, but could also alienate her husband if it becomes unbalanced. My wife is a stay-at-home mom who has immersed herself in the lives of the children so deeply that she no longer seeks companionship or love from me. When I go to work, I can get mentally occupied so that the marriage doesn't have an impact. But then, sometimes when I walk through the door at home, the pressure of expectations that I don't think I can meet causes me to withdraw: I'll go read something, or go to the computer and play a game. I am only there in appearance. Dave escapes on his bike for a couple of hours. I've done that myself recently.
Status quo is very easy. Going along to get along is the easiest trap to fall into. After so many little cuts, it is natural to put up walls or to escape. We all know it is a dead end. Our spouses bump into these walls and don't know how to get through them, so they give up trying. They try to find us, but eventually they stop looking.
If I make myself available, if I tear down my walls, maybe my wife will bump into me accidently, and ask me for a hand.
Tony
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
