Joyrides and Backslides--The Story of Us

[MJontheMend]

The issue then was that I was ALWAYS horny and ALWAYS wanting sex. But I didn't feel that my mind was in place where I could accurately judge my desires.

If you are using sex or food to fill emotional needs, then you will almost always be horny or hungry. If you never get enough sex or food to satisfy your physical needs, then you will almost always be horny or hungry. This is why I think it is valid to think about what might be a "normal" amount of sex for an adult human. This is just the same as thinking about what a "normal' amount of calories might be. If you told me that your were trying to get by on 200 calories a day, I would say "You must be starving!". This is the same reaction that I had when you indicated that you were only having sex twice a year.

If I felt that my desire for sexual frequency was way off the charts, I would have to consider whether it was fair of me to request that much sex from my H. After all, I would feel a bit put out by a H who wanted it 3x a day . I think I could be content, if I could count on my H to initiate 2x a week and I could count on him to respond favorably to the random initiation from me about once a week. The hardest part of achieving this goal is going to be the "count on" part. I'm afraid I've been starving so long now, I'm like someone who needs to keep a stash of food in every closet "just in case".

I don't know if there's a single HD spouse on this board who hasn't gone through a period of complete starvation. Is there anyone posting here whose problem has always been within the realm of normalcy? For instance, a H who wants it 3x a week with a W who wants it 3x a month. The closest to "normal" situation posters are mostly LD women. It might seem like some of us who have been successful in "getting fed" are now being sort of gluttonous, but I think it's the fear of starving again rather than the desire for an all you can eat buffet that is motivating us.