Joyrides and Backslides--The Story of Us

[MJontheMend]

So why is there this idea that we should all not be crabby over the lack of sex yet hunger is an okay reason to crab?

A lot of people are overweight due to "emotional" eating. They eat when they are bored, anxious, sad, happy, tired etc.. Diet books based on this premise, tell overeaters that they need to tune in to their bodies and look for signs of true bodily hunger like stomach grumbles or light-headedness. These books also indicate that once you've separated your need to eat for emotional reasons from your need to eat for hunger, it's okay to consciously decide to eat for emotional reasons sometimes.

I think this rule of thumb applies to sexual hunger also. When you are a HD person in an unhappy emotionally-fused relationship a certain amount of your sex drive is going to be emotionally based (in a bad way). How do you determine which part of your drive is validation motivated and which part is true physical hornyness? This is my problem with the crabbyness issue. I do believe that lack of sex causes some kind of chemical build-up in me that makes me crabby, but being rejected by someone I love makes me crabby too and so does PMS and a million other annoying things. Determining which kind of crabby I am suffering from at any given moment can be tricky.

If I try to tune in to my body for obvious signs of hornyness that would be the equivalent of a stomach grumble, I run into difficulties again. Just thinking about whether I'm feeling physically horny can easily make me feel physically horny much of the time. Maybe it's easier for men because they can think "Well, I had a hard-on when I woke up and I got another one when my cute co-worker walked by and yet another when I read HPs latest post and even though I was tired by the time I got home and my wife wasn't being nice or looking particularly attractive, it happened again so I must be feeling physically horny today.".It just isn't that straight-forward for a woman IMO. The best that I can do is to ask myself "Are you horny enough that if Mr. Wilson isn't willing, you are going to want to MB?" or "In a world in which you would suffer no consequences for your actions, are you horny enough that you would do it with any reasonably attractive man?". I figure if I can answer "Yes" than my hornyness is of the physical variety.

However, the other thing to consider is whether I should try to correlate my encounters with Mr.Wilson directly with my level of physical hornyness. On the one hand, it might be better sometimes if I did just MB when I was physically horny. On the other hand, I am going to feel repressed if I can't sometimes just want to fool around and maybe get in the mood just because sex is a fun, healthy activity or have sex because it is a way of expressing love sometimes. For instance, what's wrong with wanting sex because you're bored and there's nothing good on TV, or wanting sex because it's your anniversary and sex is a good way to celebrate your love? I know I shouldn't eat Fritos because I am bored or eat cake to celebrate because I will become fat and unhealthy. I can't complete this analogy for sex.