Quote: If she were to become physically unable to ML, would the feelings of being loved or feeling important to her vanish?
I have thought about this one many times. If my own wife were physically disabled, I would be very compassionate under those circumstances. However, she is not, and therefore her lack of desire is a personal choice, and therefore I feel anger instead of compassion. Most of the books I have read say that desire for women is mostly a headgame, the desire does not come from hormones like it does for men. So desire is mostly a decision and not necessarily a physical ailment.
Unfortunately, I agree with you there. So I'm left feeling that W doesn't want to ML with me. In fact, it seems like she never has. We didn't ML until she wanted a baby. Then we didn't do it again until she was afraid that I would go for the big D. Since then it's been twice a year duty sex. It's only in the last couple of months that the pattern seems to be changing. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
Quote: I mean, he has lived with Mojo version 1 all this time and now he is supposed to adjust seamlessly to Mojo version 2 and believe that this was you all those years. He is just doing what any of us would do in that situation--holding on to the person we "know" and not fully seeing (yet) that this is not a change as much as a revelation, finally, of who you really are.
I would imagine it will just take time and consistency on your part for him to see that this is not neediness, or emotions, or a reaction to him traveling or whatever else he is telling himself it might be.
Yes, I think you are right. If I was too wimpy to reveal myself all these years, why should I be surprised that he doesn't recognize the woman under the armor? If I was wearing a mask, why should I be surprised that he sometimes mistook me for "any woman"? Maybe I needed "brass gonads" in order to take the first steps with PM, but maybe now I need to take off the brass and let my gonads swing naked and free without fear.
Quote: I wonder if the news that their wives were sexually unhappy was MUCH harder on our guys' egos than they would ever let on? It would explain much of my H's focus on what "men" are like, etc.
It would explain much since DENIAL=CLUELESS is quite possibly an explanation for much of our Hs behavior. I still think there is some sexism at play, since I don't think any LDW would doubt it, if her HDM told her that he just wanted sex because he was horny.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
