Let me guess: you are under 35 and are questioning the extent of the commitment in your marriage?
I really think you need to read the book again if you think he is undermining 'commitment' in marriage. I believe Schnarch's view on commitment is this: you either are or you are not; YOU have to decide, if you are going to improve your marriage, if you have the personal integrity to stay committed to your relationship long enough to see it improve. There's no waffling. There's no "I'll stay committed as long as I see improvement from my spouse," etc., etc., etc. The book is about you, not your partner. YOU are the only one who can determine your level of commitment. It is a forgone conclusion if you are reading the book that this matter of 'commitment' has already been decided. Or you wouldn't be reading the book.
Quote: Schnarch explicitly warns readers against believing in the value of commitments. He meant this in a restricted sense: If your marriage is on the rocks, asking your partner for a commitment is asking for an illusory promise, worth nothing in the long run. But in a book whose subtitle includes the word "committed," the omission of a broader discussion is significant.
I disagree. Like I said, Schnarch's assumes if you are reading the book, you have made the decision that you are committed to your marriage and will do whatever it takes to make it work. Your partner has to decide also if they are or are not committed. But you cannot make that decision for them. And you can still work on the marriage and be committed to the marriage even if your partner has made no such declaration or is in fact considering divorce.
Quote: Schnarch has captured an essential element of monogamous dynamics and described some plausible therapeutic approaches that will work with many, but has used unnecessary jargon and may put younger readers off with assumptions that they are unlikely to have risen far enough to put his ideas to good use.
Sorry you don't like his jargon. He wrote the book for his colleagues at first, and re-wrote it for the masses after several requests. It is a deep read, there is no doubt about that. He even says so in the beginning of his book, and he makes no excuses for it, nor does he apologize.
Are you saying you are surprised that a book of this type actually defines an audience for itself? Don't most books? And really, if you think you are capable of, or have already reached the level of intimacy with your spouse that this book describes, why would you care if you fit into the 'age range' or not, if you can in fact take away with you useful information to apply to your marriage?
In other words, SO?
Quote: There are other quibbles I have with the book, from Schnarch's misunderstanding of evolution and quantum dynamics in the first part to his talking about spirituality at the end of the book without mentioning ethics.
You mean, you cannot believe a man makes statements or give opinions on these things and doesn't do your thinking for you in regards to applied ethics? How dare he. You get to decide whether you agree with him or not, and he doesn't really care what conclusions you draw. Wow.
Sounds to me like this is a guy who has a few things to say about 'this and that' based upon years of research and practice, has the courage to lay it out there, and if you want to plow through it all and apply some of his suggestions, great for you. If not, hey, you might want to head back to the book store and find a different book.
I believe your indignation over 'age' and the rest of your protests could be his exact reason for writing to an older audience.
