Deb, I want to be a contrarian here. You said your H mentioned your distance and lack of attention as one of the reasons for his A. Same thing my H said.
Michele reminds us that each M is different, each two people are different. You said in a previous post that saying "ILY" was breaking the rules: Only if you said it a lot before. If you didn't, then you are doing a 180.
To hell with the rules. If your H is saying that he needs to spend more time with you to feel loved, then find a way to spend more time with him. Don't play games about where you are and who you are with. Maybe that works for people who have been classic pursuers, but if you have been a distancer in the R and your H wants your time, honey, give him your time. Maybe that's his Love Language.
All I know is that once I made it clear to my H that I didn't hate him, I actually wanted to spend time with him, well, then I affirmed him in a fundamental way. We have been making steady progress since then. Not in the clear yet but I am hopeful that we will emerge, if not married, then friends.
Think about how your R functioned and what you brought to the table and proceed accordingly.
