Congratulations on being "there" for 24 hours Deb! Try for 24 more ... and then 24 more after that etc..., etc...
Quote: Guess I need to focus big time on the morphing, it was nice to hear how great I looked from a co-worker this morning, though, and to actually laugh with some of them.
I experienced those wonderful warm "fuzzies" too.. when I received those types of compliments. It does wonders for your self-esteem, doesn't it? Keep doing things for yourself to make yourself look better. Even just to "appear" happy and ready for a good laugh or joke at any time, does wonders as to how people perceive you and also for yourself. If you even just "appear" to be happy it won't be long before you truly ARE happy. (It works! ... Give it a try!)
Quote: I've been cautious because H complained about me being distant and not having time for him as a reason for his A....I see some of that as justified, but I wasnt really doing things I wanted to do either, I don't know what I was doing, hiding and muddling, I guess. How did your H respond when you got to this point? did he ever complain of distance being a precipitating problem?
I know you mentioned that before as a concern, but I don't see it the way you do. Today , what you are doing is distancing yourself lovingly. (That's tricky!) You WILL be there for him, affirming him etc.. You just shouldn't be (in my opinion) always telling him how you feel about him...saying ILY etc... Back off on that type of stuff, in particular. But keep up with the telling him on how hard of a worker he is (for example). (Men need affirmation, big time!!!) When he fixes something around the house tell him how appreciative you are, or when he does something for/with your son, how great a dad he is ... that type of thing.
The long "walks" he takes or the "weekend hours" he "has" to work ... well I think you need to start disappearing during some of this time. THAT will get him wondering, I'm here to tell you! I can't imagine that he would equate this with how he felt "before" because you are gone ..running the errands you had to run, visiting "friends", having a drink with a "friend" because you knew he would be gone. You can arrange it so that you get home just a half hour or so after he does. (Even if you just drive around the block ... just so you are not there when he gets home...AND make sure your dressed to the nines when you go out. Even if it is just for a drive around the block ) Also don't be in such a hurry to tell him exactly where you have been and what you have been doing every waking moment. Tell him you went to the book store(for example) and leave it at that.
As usual, I've made my post to you too long. (Sorry! )
These are just some ideas Deb. (Things that worked for me.) You ARE getting there!!
) Also don't be in such a hurry to tell him exactly where you have been and what you have been doing every waking moment. Tell him you went to the book store(for example) and leave it at that. 
)
