Lordy, Lordy, H is such a grouch last night and this morning. I know he doesnt feel well, and had a bad day yesterday at work, but heavens I get tired of putting up with that crap. Of course, it serves to remind me of how bad things were a year ago when he was like that all the time. It was awful, those were terribly hard days. At least now it's pretty much occasional. I don't know whether it has anything to do w/OW, or is all work related, as he says, my guess is it's more than just work. He didnt sleep at all last night I don't believe, was up and down and even awake grumping about stuff. I noticed this morning his eyes were all puffy & swollen, I don't know if just from lack of sleep or if he was crying. I've never noticed them being puffy from lack of sleep before.
Today was the dreaded staff meeting. of course OW is late, it was interesting, I sat where she usually sits and she sat where I often sit....maybe not good, because H would have to look at her to see the speaker. But I couldnt help but notice she looks really drug out these days. I couldnt tell if she looks angry like she so often does, but sure looked drug out. I sat with 2 of H's best guy friends and we joked around...a female coworker at the table told me how great I look, so I guess at least she didnt think I looked "drug out"....she and I talked about taking a belly dance class together and I invited H's best friend to go with us....we all had a good laugh about it. I almost always feel a little stronger after I make it through one of those and am able to really "act as if" and have fun with co-workers....I noticed H took off out the door like a shot again, probably didnt want me to notice that he doesnt have his wedding ring on. I'm still waiting for the sabotaged lotion bottle to do it's thing. Ah, patience.
I don't know, I feel oddly calmer and stronger now than I have for a while. I'm sort of at the "don't give a damn" point this morning because I'm so tired of listening to H's pissing and moaning. Honestly, I'm thinking of stuff I want to do, and figuring out how to go about doing it, and I don't have the time or energy to absorb his crap right now.
I still try to be warm, loving and accepting, and encouraging, let him know I care and want him, but I'm backed way off, just little pats and cheek pecks, not many ILY's, out the door before he was downstairs, etc.....I just don't have the energy today to live my life and deal with his damn mess as well. It would probably be better for me if I can stay in this spot....don't know if I'll manage or not.
