This morning is very difficult, I'm feeling very down and hopeless. H is supposedly at his "workshop", I don't believe OW is here today. which of course means they are spending the day together. I don't have any "proof", but i don't think I would have to look very hard to find it.
after all his talk about spending some time together, H was still working out when I got home. S told me H was on the phone w/OW for about an hour, just mumbling, other than S heard him say "Well Yeah" and the become quite angry and then "sad and angry" as S put it. I decided I didnt have enough patience to wait for him to decide to "spend time together" so I just went upstairs and got in bed to read. H tried to initiate sex last night, and it just plain didnt work for one of the very few times since I've known him.
This morning he was talking about that we would spend the rest of the weekend together, he's not going to do "office work" or mow...I noticed he was wearing his black undies this morning....his "workshop underwear", I guess. didn't mention it to him, but it's one of those little unusual things that I pick up on that he does when OW is in the picture.
H was actually pretty warm and tender this morning, I did the chores for him (sucker that I am), and he thanked me for it. I told him I was having a hard time not feeling insecure, and he said "you don't have any reason to"...
Why am I putting myself through this over and over again? WHY? I guess when I look at the big picture, there is progress, but it is just excruciating that this goes on and on no matter what....I feel like if I could last it out, things will work out, but I'm not sure I can last much longer. On the other hand, the options are either stick it out or file for D, and I really don't believe that would be any easier other than putting it into a time frame....
I am so discouraged. I have no clue what to do now. If I say anything, it just makes a horrible fight and miserable weekend. Acting as if just seems to let it go on and on. but I'm still not ready to give an ultimatum, not ready to live with it. The last time I lost it, in June, just before vacation, H made the comment that "you had this won, now I don't know" nasty thing to say, but certainly some info there for me to note.
I found another website that has what sounds like good info on how to deal with different types of affairs and how to interpret the "goings on" but it has a charge and i cant' get either electronic debit or my cc to work. it would be interesting to see.
I could drive to her little town and see if H's vehicle is there, but what good would it do me? Except I don't dare say a word unless I'm absolutly certain he's with her.
Help, anybody. Lord, why does this take so long, and how am I going to last it out?
