Ok gang, here's a new one for you....shock of shocks, I got an email from H about 10, responded briefly and told him I was going to be out of office (true) and I havent gotten back with him because I've had other things to think about/do....so, maybe I should count this as progress
Yesterday was H's 12-hour day, he was tired but seemed pleasant enough at home...we sat at the table and talked for about an hour when he got home, I mentioned something in passing to S about it had been nice to do that, S said "you guys never used to do that" which kind of caught me off guard, but then I realized, he's right....we do that a lot now, almost every day for at least a little bit, and that was one of my goals, so I guess that has been met.
no nooky last night, but that's ok....I was tired and didnt try to entice him, and he was tired and didn't try to entice me....a little snuggling, though.
This morning H was pleasant, kind of had the old, old twinkle he used to have in his eye, was trying to remember something he's just seen in the paper to tell me about....it registered with me that even with that small gesture, that's a sign that he's trying to notice things for us to talk about...
I believe these are "good" signs, sure hope so. In the past, when things were going good w/OW, they were pretty distant and crappy at home....I don't have a clue what the status of their R is, except I don't think she looks like a "happy camper", not furious like I've seen her sometimes, but not "happy camperish" either.
Today was S's first day of school, I sat on the porch and talked with him as we waited for the bus, and I had to think to myself that if the child is a reflection of things at home, then things are much better. S was relaxed and talkative and joking around. This time last year he was being taken w/H to visit OW under the guise of father/son activities. The child was sullen and withdrawn and irritable and I couldnt figure out why....I know he was consumed with guilt over being asked to keep his Dads secrets, and feeling really bad that he had somehow done something wrong. Then this all came to light... So, I guess no matter what, it's good that he's doing better, and I've done something right to help him get there. I guess one silver lining is that S and I also talk a lot more now than we used to...And I do believe that kids are some what "barometers" of the home environment, so by that measure, things ARE better. It's just such a long, slow, twisting trail with no end in sight.
