Hi Pam....yeah, the old boyfriend stuff is kind of a boost when we need one isn't it? I just think it's so weird that they turn up at this time. BnB posted about it happening to her also. Obviously, they still have a "soft spot" for me, and that means a lot, they were special guys in my life. Now, I have to say there were people I dated that I NEVER want to lay eyes on again, who creep me out...but they aren't the ones showing up. There's one more, the "biggie" I was engaged to, if he shows up here in the next few months, I'll have to consider that there's some message here for me.
I did have an interesting thought last night. I remember around the time of H's birthday in March we were having an unpleasant discussion about our R and "The MEss" and H made the comment that "you never could get along with anyone, even your old boyfriends"....that kind of hurt and shocked me, I remember saying "yes I did, except for one and that was because he cheated on me" , and I started to cry. Then H said "well, why didnt you marry one of them?" and I said because I didnt love them enough", and I remember H looking really uncomfortable. So, at least H has seen that I did have a good relationship with these guys years ago, it's not just my "bad personality"....
Pam, I gotta get over to your thread...It is so weird for you H to turn so "strange" all at once. It's like he really dashed back into the tunnel, isn't it? talk about a 2nd adolescence.
Hi BnB, it's so good to hear from you. I've been thinking of you. Your comment about old boyfriends that you could count on as friends kind of struck me. Both of these guys I've ran into lately I could count on that way (I do get the feeling their wives might not think I should) but maybe they showed up so that I could get some type of info or something from them....or even the encouragement of talking to them. hmmmmm There goes my analytical mind again! Ha!
As far as the overanalyzing, I know you are exactly right...I need to keep reminding myself to be cautious about that.
thought I'd post an update here. Last night H seemed more cheerful....pretty pleasant actually. He complained of being tired. I was too, so we went to bed early...I turned off the bedside light, and H said "why did yo do that" ..told him I thought he was tired....he said "you must be"??????....I told him I was, but he might be surprised how quickly that can change, then he turned on his light and initiated ML...afterwards he asked why things were so different for me now, I told him I had found some of the books very helpful and had come to a new understanding and realization of some things about sex and relationships....he said "it's because you want to and for years you didnt"....don't know what that was supposed to mean, so I ignored it and said "sometimes I just have to have you anymore"...he didnt complain at all about that. We both slept like babies, I could have slept all morning too. This morning I hugged and kissed him (a couple times) as he was shaving....he was kind of "enough already"...told him I was sorry to bug him, he said "its just that you're kind of clingy in the morning sometimes"....I told him "no, I'm not, I just can't resist you, but I'm not clinging, I'm taking my hands off right now, see?" he said "oh, OK," and as he was leaving the room turned his head towards me and said "I love you"....the whole exchange was cheerful and happy, not "irritable"...different in emotional tone from other mornings, (yesterday morning he threw a temper tantrum when the lid fell into the cat food bin)....up down, up down, up down goes the roller coaster. this is his day in the office where OW is.... I still hate that; but, he always complains about Tuesdays as well, so now that I think about it, it sure isnt like he's thrilled to be here to have the chance to see her...of course he complains about the long hours, office staff, etc., not about her, but.... He was talking last night that maybe he needed to just start sending out more resumes???????
Honestly, he is a really good looking guy who turns me on and I do just want to grab him and hang on sometimes!!!!
GRRRRRRRRR! i had to go to other building and OW was coming across the parking lot at the same time. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but she always looks grumpy and pissy and hateful. Maybe she just looks that way when she sees me, but I swear she even walks like she's stalking/stomping. and of course, I was going over there to a meeting which was during H's late lunch hour, when she was going into the front door, which always makes me afraid she's going to spend time with him, and then as I was leaving I glanced across and saw that his office door is open, don't know if he's there or not, I'm guessing not because I emailed him and havent heard anything back. Sigh. I Wish wish wish he could find another job soon!!!!!!!!!
I always try to make sure I'm smiling and talking to people and holding my head high while she's sulking, though. I can play mind games, not with the best of them, but I can play them. Maybe that's what H meant months ago when he commented that he didnt' think I was a dumb a$$, he thought I was very bright, incredibly manipulative, and knew exactly what I was doing. Sure has taken a long time to get what I'm doing done though.
Ok, according to the computer, he read the email about 5 minutes ago, although he hasnt responded. So if she was in his office, he would have read it in front of her....it mentioned having pinkish-neck thoughts, let her read over his shoulder and ask him to explain that one.
Hi Deb - Sweetie - please calm down, drop the rope a little. Sometimes I found myself obsessing about why NG had not responded to an email, or why he had not called, when really I should have been staying focused on what we would be doing in the evening. Well, NG had planned a nice dinner out, and I was grumpy because he had not returned a call within 5 mins - how sad for me... I want you to not go down that path. Sure, H may be taking his time weaning off OW, but I feel fairly confident he is yours. Now go make yourself even more irresistable
Quote: Ok, according to the computer, he read the email about 5 minutes ago, although he hasnt responded. So if she was in his office, he would have read it in front of her....it mentioned having pinkish-neck thoughts, let her read over his shoulder and ask him to explain that one.
Deb, please stop obsessing over every little detail! You are going to make yourself crazy. You don't know if she was there, you don't know if he's had time to respond, or if he is even going to.
As the last poster said, you REALLY need to drop the rope. You need to focus on yourself, not on him - and you keep focusing more and more on him and every detail of everything that is going on, as well as assuming what he means by everything.
It isn't fun to be obsessing over details, so go about your business and do things for you! YOU are the one that deserves the attention!!!!
Hi Slowly and dfb, yep, I know you're right, I need to just ignore it all and focus on the important stuff...me, making my life better, S, etc.. Actually I do at times, I just have a bad habit of losing it when I see "HER"....only good thing is, I think she looks worse from all this, and I'm looking better (now of course, that has to be totally unbiased opinion, right?) Actually H did respond to the email a little later.
Ok gang, here's a new one for you....shock of shocks, I got an email from H about 10, responded briefly and told him I was going to be out of office (true) and I havent gotten back with him because I've had other things to think about/do....so, maybe I should count this as progress
Yesterday was H's 12-hour day, he was tired but seemed pleasant enough at home...we sat at the table and talked for about an hour when he got home, I mentioned something in passing to S about it had been nice to do that, S said "you guys never used to do that" which kind of caught me off guard, but then I realized, he's right....we do that a lot now, almost every day for at least a little bit, and that was one of my goals, so I guess that has been met.
no nooky last night, but that's ok....I was tired and didnt try to entice him, and he was tired and didn't try to entice me....a little snuggling, though.
This morning H was pleasant, kind of had the old, old twinkle he used to have in his eye, was trying to remember something he's just seen in the paper to tell me about....it registered with me that even with that small gesture, that's a sign that he's trying to notice things for us to talk about...
I believe these are "good" signs, sure hope so. In the past, when things were going good w/OW, they were pretty distant and crappy at home....I don't have a clue what the status of their R is, except I don't think she looks like a "happy camper", not furious like I've seen her sometimes, but not "happy camperish" either.
Today was S's first day of school, I sat on the porch and talked with him as we waited for the bus, and I had to think to myself that if the child is a reflection of things at home, then things are much better. S was relaxed and talkative and joking around. This time last year he was being taken w/H to visit OW under the guise of father/son activities. The child was sullen and withdrawn and irritable and I couldnt figure out why....I know he was consumed with guilt over being asked to keep his Dads secrets, and feeling really bad that he had somehow done something wrong. Then this all came to light... So, I guess no matter what, it's good that he's doing better, and I've done something right to help him get there. I guess one silver lining is that S and I also talk a lot more now than we used to...And I do believe that kids are some what "barometers" of the home environment, so by that measure, things ARE better. It's just such a long, slow, twisting trail with no end in sight.
I still hate that; but, he always complains about Tuesdays as well, so now that I think about it, it sure isnt like he's thrilled to be here to have the chance to see her...of course he complains about the long hours, office staff, etc., not about her, but....