More about yesterday. I posted about noon, anxious to see what H was like when he got home from "work"....

H got back about 1, and I swear he had been crying big time.....S and I were in the kitchen, H came into the family room (out of the garage)....family room opens into the kitchen so we looked up when he came in the door....S said "hi dad, how are you?" and H could barely croak/gasp out "Hi buddy", he was so choked up....he had on his sunglasses but I swear his eyes were red behind them...He gets this dark reddish color in his nose and cheeks, even his whole face sometimes, when he's crying. that's the only time I ever have seen that color, when he's crying or trying to keep from it. H went upstairs to change, and a neighbor kid showed up to estimate lawn mowing (trying to buy H a little more free time)....I asked S to go tell his dad the neighbor was there and that I was going out with him to show him what we wanted....H came out maybe 10 minutes later, and he still looked like he had been crying.

As much as I hate to face it, I think he must have been w/OW, that would explain his "it's the least I can do" comment about doing the chores so I could sleep in, and also his effort to ML Saturday night even though it was late and he was tired. Damn, I hate kindness and sex that is motivated by guilt and/or pity. But on the other hand maybe it's good that he's feeling them, is it a sign that his denial is starting to break down? I don't believe it's ALL pity/guilt sex though, even he's not that good.

We had a late lunch, and H seemed to cheer up....he seemed to get better as the afternoon went on, although he was quieter than usual. we grilled out for supper and sat on the porch and had a beer and talked while he cooked the steaks, he commented several times how much he liked that.

We sat down to watch tv later though, and H kept dozing off, which gets me irritated because I always think he's tired from w/the b---h....no ML when we went to bed.

several times in the evening he made comments about me hanging out w/old boyfriends when I go to my home town....now that seems weird, these are from clear back in college days, what difference would it make to H? and I've told him about it, he was there once, my family both times, so why even mention it??????

This morning, H stopped by my office to pick up S to take him to D/SIL's house. H had that same "been/about to cry" deep red tint to his face...I had seen OW drive by just before H showed up at my office, so maybe he ran into her.

He was wearing his wedding ring, he took his left hand out of his pocket and wiped his brow when we were talking . I think it was a deliberate gesture to show me he was wearing it (I havent said a word for several weeks)

It's occured to me that perhaps his face was that deep red because a)they had another fight over the cell phone this morning or b)he ran into her before he could get out of the office and she saw his wedding ring. I cant help but wonder if that's it, because he's always in a rush to get gone, like he doesnt want to be there when he could run into her.

I got an email from him about 11 about how hectic the morning was, complaining because the secretary quit & they dont' have a new one yet. He apologized for being in such a bad mood, I emailed him back that I couldnt blame him, and that I didnt know if it helped but I was thinking of him and praying for him, that I loved him a lot and was sending hugs and kisses to him in my thoughts. He emailed back thanks, that actually it did help a lot....

I don't know what to make of it, except I am certain he had been crying big time when he came in the door yesterday afternoon....I don't think he was crying about me, and his mood seemed to get better as we were together. He's not as "hot" for sex these days, though. Of course, that could change to the complete opposite by tomorrow, or even tonight

What to make of the crying????????? or ANY of it for that matter?????????

Why does he even comment about old boyfriends? and, in the order of cosmic conciousness types of things, how weird is it to run into 2 of them in 3 months when I havent seen them in over 25 years?

been around awhile!