I was thinking the other day as I was registering my S for high school that the summer b4 I started high school my dad left my mom for his OW or maybe it was him leaving becuz of OW. He ended up coming back. BUT being as how I was 15 I knew WAY too much about what was going on. I ended up being mad at my dad when he did come home for how he had hurt us. And I was mad at my mom for letting him come home.
I am not saying that any of this applies to you, but speaking from the perspective of a LBChild our kids can be suffering in ways we don't even grasp. My S turns 15 tomorrow and I am already picturing the wish he will prob be making when he blows out his candles, poor kid.
such a busy day today I've not even had time to post, but want to before I go home for journaling as well as any thoughts. Last night was weird, again. H came home from work in a good mood. told me that his secretary who's leaving tearfully confided in him that she and a co-worker who left a year ago (one of H's best friends) had an affair....which I pretty much knew, H wasnt sure, we'd speculated, now it's confirmed. this gal divorced her H over the deal cause she thought the co-worker would leave his wife...duh, I could have called that one right...never in a million years.....and now she's crying about how it's ruined her life and she never wanted all this to happen, etc....The co-worker and his wife have moved clear out of town, although H suspects there is still some phone contact or was recently.....damn cell phone, no less.... So, H was telling me how he told her that we all have to accept responsibility for choices we make, whether they turn out the way we want them to or not, and that it was a choice she made. Darn, I hope he's starting to see that w/OW.... Anyway, he was kind of upset because his other "best friend/coworker resigned yesterday to take a new job.....but he was still in a good mood. My grandmother died Monday, her funeral is 2 hours away early Sat. afternoon, H and I both have to work Sat. Am, and Son has several back to school activities, we were discussing what to do, H was adamant that S would either need to stay with a friend or go with me to the funeral (H is not going, which does not please me but doesnt surprise me)....H said "we can hash this out later" and went on a 2.5 hour walk....when he got back he was in a TERRIBLE MOOD....this is the exact opposite of what usually happens, I don't know what to think. He did seem gentle and compassionate and concerned and said he would stay with S Saturday so I wouldnt have to hurry, and do his "work" on Sunday AM....I can't help but wonder if he met OW or they were on the cell....he was kind of irritable all night....still a little bit that way this morning....I just ignored him and stayed backed off. I didnt hear from him by email, so at noon I emailed him, told him I was thinking of him and hoped he had a good day, that I was proud of him and loved him and was feeling mushy...he emailed back thanks, he always appreciated kind words (????) and that we would find some "hug time" tomorrow. Stopped by my office on the way home tonight, and seemed much more cheerful, gave me a hug and responded to ILY very warmly ( I have been cutting back on those this week)....As usual, I don't know what to think, I've been backed off this week because he's seemed moodier, no ML since monday but that's not unreasonable...so I'm getting ready to go home, and see what's going on. knock on wood. I just wish OW would get tired of waiting and move on....I still feel sure the list I found 2 weeks ago was for her or I would have heard by now, and the things on it are pretty much things I could check off. I also hope it makes her as mad as it would me to get a list like that. She does have a much more volatile temper than I do. so we shall see, I guess. I have to remind myself the most effective thing to concentrate on is drawing him back, not on her/them....cross your fingers and send any extra prayers my way if you all would. I'm heading home
I know Pamila, it is so hard for kids....mine have been so hurt and angry and devastated by this. Fortunately I have a close enough relationship that I've been able to explain to both of them why I think this happened, share their dad's point of view as I understand it and what I see as my role (not specifics, of course, but generalities), and apologize to them for my part in helping things to get to this difficult point. I've pointed out to both of them that it is not their fault, and they did nothing wrong. I think that was very helpful to S12....he has said so many times. I'm just so blessed and fortunate to have such great people for kids.
Thanks Pamila, I appreciate your condolences. She was 93 and had lived a long life, but it's still kinda hard... Plus, I still need (always will) all the prayers I can get... I don't know what to think, but I sense something weird still w/H...he is gone now to "work", back around 12:30ish..I noticed this morning the lotion bottle in garage is moved again, so my guess is he's gone to see OW... Yesterday I drove w/D to grandmothers funeral...H did have to work till early afternoon, and then took S to some middle school-back to school functions he didn't want to miss. Dinner after the funeral was interesting, another old BF was there, hadnt seen him for manymany years, he's now married to one of my sister & cousins best friends. Well, he came over and sat down next to me....I didnt recognize him...we started talking, and he said, "I want to apologize for things I may have done in my younger, dumber years if there's something I need to apologize for"....(this is the first guy i ever had sex with, and he broke my heart, but I was 20 at the time...) I told him there wasn't and he said "I just wanted to put that out there"....we talked a little more, and later I saw him in a corner talking to his wife with his arms around her....interesting, I still recognize that response in him, means she was upset with the way he was talking to me, but any way, it was good to see him So, to real life, I got home 2 hours later lastnight than I thought I would, H was evidently home and not on the phone at least most of that time, because I called a couple times to let him know I was running late and D called him once to ask a question....when I came in, I kissed him and sat down to talk w/him a little, told him I had missed him and hoped to get home earlier, told him about seeing the old flame and the apology.... we were both really tired when we got to bed, I snuggled up to him, we ml, I think at his initiation, but he was to tired to have an orgasm...that's weird to me if he could perform but not do that...hmmmm. he made the comment that I was so naughty it was hard to imagine what I would have done with old boyfriends (not much, frankly, but I didnt say anything....maybe I need to take mystery wherever I can get it) Anyway, I was so tired I went to sleep, never heard his alarm this am, and didnt even wake up until maybe20 minutes before he was ready to go....I told him thanks for letting me sleep in, he said that was the least he could do and I should go back to bed and sleep as long as I wanted to, then it would seem like he would be home sooner. guilt?????
He said his goal was to get enough done that he doesnt have to work next weekend---I told him I'd do a naked jig on the picnic table if he didn't, he laughed and said it might bother the neighbors...
I don't know how to describe it, but I'm picking up "weird vibes"from him...oh, also on Friday he asked if I'm still doing my walking tapes ...he hadnt seen me do it for a while. told him truthfully I was but I've only gotten the shorter ones done this last 2weeks. Some how I believe this is a big issue with him, I don't know if it's a "deal breaker" or evidence that he still worries changes arent permanent.... I've just had this feeling the last 2 days that something is different with him emotionally, but it's not like he's distanced/disconnected from me...he seems quite, almost kind of mournful, I don't know if it's regarding OW, but of course I hope so. Someone posted to me once that Iwould know when it was over....How will I know, is it a 6th sense kind of thing? Slowly, if you see this, you mentioned on your thread that you sense a change in your H's r/contact w/OW....what is that like, what is different, if you can describe it????? I can't figure out what the heck is going on, it still makes me nuts, I don't snoop other than noticing the lotion bottle when I'm in & out of garage...I'll be curious to see what he's like when he gets home, we've made plans to grill out and watch a movie tonight. This coming Friday is when he's supposed to go to the workshop, I'm really struggling hard to NOT ASK anything about OW going w/him or even who...or if he's really going....If some body could talk some sense into me about that it would be helpful....It's just over 2weeks now since his night time scribbling of the infamous "list"........
I am totally with you in that whole weird vibe thing. I can make absolutely no sense of my own H.
He has been acting distant with me since we have returned from Vegas and usu. when he is distant it is a sign of OW activity. I won't use up your thread with my H's nonnsense, I will post to my own.
I wish I knew a way not to let it get to me. Acting as if is wearing me out.
If anybody has time to skim through my novel from yesterday and offer any insights, that would be great....
I guess what puzzles me most is why H makes references to Old Boy friends for several days after i see one (it is really weird to see these guy I havent seen in over 25 years in such a close time period, and to have such pleasant and nice visits with them after so long)
Quote: I don't know how to describe it, but I'm picking up "weird vibes"from him...oh, also on Friday he asked if I'm still doing my walking tapes ...he hadnt seen me do it for a while. told him truthfully I was but I've only gotten the shorter ones done this last 2weeks. Some how I believe this is a big issue with him, I don't know if it's a "deal breaker" or evidence that he still worries changes arent permanent.... I've just had this feeling the last 2 days that something is different with him emotionally, but it's not like he's distanced/disconnected from me...he seems quite, almost kind of mournful, I don't know if it's regarding OW, but of course I hope so. Someone posted to me once that Iwould know when it was over....How will I know, is it a 6th sense kind of thing? Slowly, if you see this, you mentioned on your thread that you sense a change in your H's r/contact w/OW....what is that like, what is different, if you can describe it?????
but that's not unreasonable...so I'm getting ready to go home, and see what's going on. knock on wood. I just wish OW would get tired of waiting and move on....I still feel sure the list I found 2 weeks ago was for her or I would have heard by now, and the things on it are pretty much things I could check off. I also hope it makes her as mad as it would me to get a list like that. She does have a much more volatile temper than I do. so we shall see, I guess. I have to remind myself the most effective thing to concentrate on is drawing him back, not on her/them....cross your fingers and send any extra prayers my way if you all would. I'm heading home 