Hi dfb, I know you're fight about going slow to make sure things don't backfire....and that it's important to not infantilize him or be too intrusive or "begging"....or "catering" At the same time, I fully intend to be the Red Hot Momma he can't live with out! you mentioned you wrote bf a lot and it backfired....I'm curious, what types of "writings" did you do, and how did he respond i.e., how did it backfire?
I keep my writing to H short and focused on "fun" and positive things....some times a little mushy, but I'm not comfortable with the "you're my reason for living" kind of crap, never have been, never will be. what I've been doing is about once or never more than 2x a week putting a short card or note in his lunch, something to the effect of "thinking of you and wishing you a great day", thanks for all you do, wishing for nooky, you put the spice and color in my world, looking forward to spending time with you, had a nice evening, etc....my goal is to focus on the positive and pleasant and keep that in his mind (along with me as the source of it). sometimes it's just hurriedly scribbled on notebook paper "thinking of you today".....fThe letter I'm working on is not begging or pleading, I feel like it's pretty matter of fact...in it, I talk about the fact that I've done a lot of soul searching, and come to understand some of the things that led us to where we are now and my contribution to the situation....that my "soul searching" has led me to have a different out look on many things in life, and that I can not live the way things were before, and don't intend to. It's been a really tought leeter to write, I'm still not done. I have no expectations that it will bring about a significant change in him, but I do feel the need to know that I've clearly stated my outlook on things. Just writing it out and having it in black and white will help me, even if I don't give it too him. Jury's still out on that one, I may or may not....he said once that he didnt know anything about my "soul-searching", which he doesnt, I've kept it to myself. Sometimes I think I'm too private a person and that backfires. H tends to be that way also, so we probably have a natural tendency to drift apart.....
Anyway, I'm really curious about what didn't work with the things you wrote if you feel like sharing
I do try to notice little things he needs and do them before he says anything, like the brief case
