i'm trying to sift through what I've been doing and evaluate the results here....my shameless pursuit/becoming the OW tactic is still pretty new...I've been turning up the heat slowly, I don't want to suddenly smother H....I know he hates that as much as distance. If anyone has any interpretation of this stuff to share, I would sure like to hear it..... I was out of the office yesterday afternoon, when I got here this morning, I had this response from H to the email I had in my last post:
Quote: Thanks for the e-mail and thanks for the space. I appreciate both.
So, I'm not quite sure how to take this....I have really been concentrating on letting go of ANY reference to/thoughts of OW, while at the same time "turning up the heat" between H and I....not just sexual, but looking for small ways to express appreciation and let him know I'm thinking of him....I read a post Honeypot made to someone about when you love someone, you try to meet all their needs, not just the physical ones, and that is what I've been doing. I wonder if the "space" refers to not saying anything about OW??????that is still so hard. There is a great deal I want to say, none of it nice! Maybe it refers in part to backing off and leaving it up to him to deal with the situation....I've quit pressuring him about it, even though it infuriates me that he can seemingly go back on all the wonderful stuff he told me that 1st-2nd week of June.
When H got home last night, he was cheerful and talkative ( I don't know if that's best or if depressed & upset is better, because that usually means somethings up w/OW)...I helped with chores, then H went for his 2 hour walk...I planted flowers while he walked. I felt calm and was enjoying myself, found myself thinking I actually didnt care if/when he came back yesterday evening....but when he came back I sat down and ate supper with him.
Interesting side note: I had left a garbage bag outside with old flower pots and shrub trimmings in it....I picked it up to put in more stuff and put it in the dumpster, and out jumps a cat...I thought that was weird, went to get stuff to put in the bag while I left it there, and when I came back the cat had drug a kitten out of the bag....eyes not quite open...so S and I carefully cut the bag apart, and dug 4 more kittens out of the shrub trimmings. How on earth those little kittens ever survived in that black garbage bag, I will never know. It's been 110 degrees here...the bag was in the shade, but still.
Anyway, one of S's friends called and invited him to spend the night Sat., so that means H & I may have the evening to ourselves....don't know about going to out-of-town friends yet, H actually said, "the best case scenario is we would be here and have the place to ourselves, worst case would be we go to visit them" and seemed quite happy at the prospect....talked about getting a movie, that maybe I should visit the "toy store"....mentioned "just a regular movie" would be better.....he honestly seemed happy and excited at the prospect of a "just the two of us" evening....I know I am!
Also yesterday evening, H started rummaging through the cabinet where we keep "paper work", etc., I asked if I could help him find something, and he said "do I have any cover letters for my resume left? I was thinking maybe I need to send some more out to other places"....I told him they were addressed seperately, but I can easily get them off my computer if he wants them...he said "ok", then kind of sighed and said "maybe I should just wait to hear from ..."(the place he interviewed with)...In mid June h told me the biggest reason he's looking for another job is to get away from OW....so my hope is that his impatience with the process is an indication that he's feeling more and more of a need to distance himself.
this morning I had a towel on when I got out of the shower, H came through the bathroom and mentioned that S was getting up so I might want to make sure my naked body was well covered, so I walked into our bedroom, H was right behind me, and I said, "Ok, I'll just bring my naked body over here and give your non-naked self a big hug and kiss"....H actually said OK and gave me a nice, long, tender kiss....
Now this morning I've not had an email from him....I guess I'll send him a hello if I don't hear by lunch time....
I don't know for sure what to think, but it seems to me my "pursuit" is getting a positive response, certainly nothing negative, I believe H seems warmer in the last week/10 days since I started....I havent done a whole lot, just a couple of notes/cards each week, a couple of "semi-mushy" emails, verbal expressions of how much I enjoy being with him (not sexual references) and the briefcase and lawnmower and picking up stuff for his secretaries going away party.....don't want to turn the heat up too fast.....
