Hi BnB...I've been readying your thread, but not posted because I don't know what to add. I am so impressed with your courage. You are an inspiration to me...
I find I'm just so tired of dealing with this, that's what tempts me to give up....but I don't believe that would make things any easier at all in the long run.
I am beginning to believe that OW is more manipulative and deceptive than I ever even believed, and I believe H is clueless as to how dishonest she truely is...
I know for a fact that she can lie with out even catching her breath or missing a beat, and I think there's big stuff under the surface.
I put a card in H's lunch today, it had to little bears on a moon in a starry sky, something about the colors of love, I wrote a note about the card reminding me of him...
then I got this email from him:
Quote: Deb; Thanks for the card in my lunch sack. It was nice, after the morning documentation dump I needed that! I do appreciate your thoughts and kindness. D.
I emailed him back:
Quote: I'm glad you liked it. I was worried that it was too mushy and almost took it out...but it is sincere. and I sure wish we had more "fun time/down time" to just veg out together. makes me long for winter. I'm thinking of you (without a red neck, but things could go there!) Deb
and then I got an email from him suggesting some "red-neck time" tonight and some interesting activity.
I'm thinking that this is a very positive response to my beginning efforts at shameless pursuit. Do you all read it this way? it's very unusual for him to say anything very personal in emails at work, and I'm thinking that even if he's working in the same building w/OW, he's at least thinking, however briefly, of the possibility of sex with me tonight!
I'm starting to think flirting really IS the wasy to go with him.......i guess i need to just throw caution to the wind, get over thinking of it as adolescent, have fun, and see what happens...I learned to do that with sex recently, so I guess I can with flirting...
Do you ride together in the same car? If not (or on a day you don't) leave something racy, suggestive, spicy in the car for him. A bra tied across the steering wheel at lunch could be fun
Maybe something spicy you want to see him wear or use later on?
just some thoughts,
Pam
ps remind me when I get back from Vegas to give you some titles of books with good ideas on this kind of stuff
Hi Pamila, I just got here, read about the email from OW, am headed back to your thread.....it sounds like fantastic news. was the one you found from her to him old or new?
Do you think the emails I'm getting from H are a good sign? Is it a good sign that he's making a point of saying thanks for things, or is this just something they do to ease their guilt?
H asked me to get some things for his secretary who's leaving, and I got this from him this morning: "Thanks for doing this, I do appreciate your effort and help. D"
I don't recall him EVER thanking me for anything prior to maybe the last 4 months -- I mean ever in all the years we've been married, now he does it pretty consistently for things like meals, and errands and compliments, etc.....Of course, one of my goals has been to express thanks and admiration to him daily....I have that goal for probably 4 or 5 months, so maybe this change is in response to that?
last night when H got home, he was wearing his ring again. that is a comfort to me, because I was so afraid it was going to be reburyed in the basket....I guess even if he takes it off when he is around ow, the fact that he's wearing it most of the time is a significant change, and he has to know that it influences my perception of how things are between us.
H was pleasant when he got home (yesterday was his long day)....we chatted and ate together....went to bed a little early, and H initiated ML, as he had promised in his email about "redneck time"....H said he'd been thinking about it all day which made me happy.....this morning was rushed but pleasant enough....I've only had one email, a reminder of an errand he asked me to do, but he did say thanks for it.
I'm thinking I'm going to try to finish the letter to him today and post it here for input....
and try to come up with some creative ideas for puruit/becoming OW to him....
I think it's great that he's thanking you for stuff. But you can't always dissect every little thing - he could be thanking you for any reason. If something seems to be working, do it. But remember that he was going nuts a number of months ago when you were being affectionate. Something that works one day may not work another - you kind of just have to go by his mood.
Also, you need to make sure at some point that you are getting something back from him. With DBing, we tend to do all the work. But I think you can't go for like years doing all the work! Don't knock yourself over for 6 months trying to please him - you need to do for YOU too! You can't be just who you think he wants, you need to be also who you are, if that makes any sense.
Hi dfb, I know you're right, I tend to dissect every little detail of interactions, and it's usually more accurate to take the big picture into account. I guess i don't see enough change if I focus on the big picture is probably part of the reason...the other part is plain ol' obsessiveness....
right now I'd have to say I'm getting plenty of good sex out of it , plus H does the laundry ; I certainly have plans to up the ante when the time comes, however. I keep remembering the story about turning the heat up slowly on a pot of water with a frog in it.
which made me happy.....this morning was rushed but pleasant enough....I've only had one email, a reminder of an errand he asked me to do, but he did say thanks for it. 
, plus H does the laundry