I totally agree with what Totallyconfused and the other Pam are telling you.

Speaking of which I think TotallyConfused needs a new name, TotallyConfused may have been how you felt when you came to the bb but I don't see you that way at all now. I think TotallyRightOn might be more accurate.

Isn't it funny how we can pick a name not really getting that it will become our identity here on the board. For instance Deb, I have wondered are you a Deb, a Debbie, a Deborah, a Debra?

I am actually a Pamela and not a Pamila, but all the Pamela names I tried were taken so I used Pamila since I have a friend by that name.

Getting back to the matter at hand...
At the end of the day the only person we can really change is that gal in the mirror. I for one can waste a lot of precious time agonizing over H and his decisions, thoughts, behaviors but ultimately I can't change him. I also need some work on "unguarding" my heart towards him. I don't want to be held captive by my fears of "what if." Life is way too short for that, so I am going to keep believing for my marriage to be healed and put away my microscope.

Pam