Geez, I just noticed my threads at 120 some posts, so I decided I better open a new one in case it locks. I feel kind of "blowing in the wind", so don't want to get locked out from all my gf's here...I really need to be tuned in now it seems! link to previous thread here:
I'm kind of this morning...I'll try to copy my post from previous thread here in a minute, but things are really weird and "up in the air" it feels like.......
Heres, I hope, my first rambling post this morning: I am not afraid, but I am certainly anxious (there is a difference!)things are just so strange it throws me off beat. I got home about 9 last night, house was completely quiet....S was upstairs in his "new" room, do weird 11-y-o-guy type puttering, no sign of H....S came down to say Hi, I asked where his dad was, he said in basement, had been there most of the evening...usually H works out but you haar music, equipment etc...nothing last nigh...I just went up to check out S's room...later H come up and we talked a little...nothing significant...H said he didn't even do his tradmill walk...this is unheard of !!!!!
when we went to bed, I was very tired, but snuggled up to H, who was complaining of being tired also...I told him my tiredness was fighting a battle with my naughtiness, and H asked which was winning, told him I was sure but I thought naughtiness could get the upper hand with just a little coaxing....so he coaxed...and . I'm not sure who you could say intiated that one....
I was out like a light all night....H woke me up at 7 this morning, and I would have slept longer if he hadnt...H said he didn't sleep well, had been up several times in the night, blames it on his back, but I don't see how he'd be ML if his back is that bad? H said I was talking in my sleep this morning...I asked him what I said, he said words he couldnt understand and "I don't like that".... I have no clue what I could have been talking about, don't even remember any dreams, but that's scary to be talking in one's sleep in a sitch like this. H looks tired and beat today.....
Now the other ingredients of this weirdness....H was out doing chores (that is nice of him to do mornings I have to work and he doesnt, and I tell him so often) so I looked at his briefcase...envelope was still there, so I checked it out. the back is now completely full of notes...I actually wrote them down on my own note pad. Here are the things jotted down, I think in exact order of their appearance: (after 1st 2 I mentioned yesterday: compassion key; life partner must exhibit reciprocity) --church --example --yaholom-see through others eyes --life partner must show compassion --present not meeting my needs --exchange .50/$1.00, reciprocity (I understand this, the money relates to a marketing presentation we had at staff meeting, that you wouldnt be likely to keep entering into an exchange that cost you $1 and you got 50cents in return, and I think he's quoting that as an example of reciprocity... then his notes say" To improve, do more of the following-discuss not silent treatment, reciprocity-sex-quid proquo -- good intentions-regression repair damage quickly, apologize, see your part, forgiveness, letting past hurts go compassion (end of notes)
so what the heck does this mean? I am really being bugged by this....It sounds in the first part like he's saying things are what he needs, and saying it very clearly
Then, this stinks, it sounds like he's telling her what she needs to do to improve, including more sex that might explain why he's been so horny with me
I just somehow don't feel this is addressed to me, and I cant quite figure out where H is going with this.
Is this giving her an ultimatum? is this a way for him to have an out without feeling so guilty? is he hoping she will "shape up"????? who is she supposed to have compassion for, me, the poor left wife ?
In trying to assess the status of things between us, I would say he is friendly, but somewhat withdrawn, still easily gets "horny"...complains some about animals, etc,...somewhat irritable...but purposely puts on his wedding ring when I'm around any way...had it off last night as if he went to exercise, put it on before he went to bed. gives kisses and hugs but doesn seem to initate as much....
Help!!!what do you make of this? How do I proceed?
the regression comment above worries me, because I havent exercised as much lately (only about 3 times/week because of all this other crap) and H has talked about being afraid things will go back to the way they were....?????
I feel so lost....dont know which way to turn right now....
I will be leaving work in about an hour, and may not have much time to get back on this weekend...so any quick input would be a much appreciated blessing
Oh, H said he was so busy yesterday he didnt have time to email me my guess is he was emailing OW, and that he didnt' exercise last night because he was either writing, emailing, or on the phone with her.....
This past week he has done NONE of his long walks, which have been so sacred to him.....?????? I have no clue what to think....
Deb: In reading the notes your H wrote, from an outsider looking in, it looks as if they are notes to himself to get himself back on track. Maybe rather than looking at them as what he wants from you or OW maybe they are notes as to what he feels he needs to do himself. He needs to repair damage, he needs to show more compassion, go back to church, etc. The only one that looked as if it wasnt for him was the not meeting my needs note. The only other way I could look at them was these are his arguments for leaving OW. Sort of the these are the categories you are deficient in so I am ending this? Unfortunatley, you cannot know what he means, only he does. Maybe the envelope will fall out on the floor and you can find it and just ask him, wouldnt that interesting?
I didn't even bother to read your comment, I just started typing.
