Hey PIB and LNL,

Thanks for the visits!

PIB -- I'll bet you're super busy with school and babyontheway!

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So, I'm close to getting locked out and I've been waiting for inspiration to start a new thread but today is definitely NOT the day... We had a disastrous night last night after a very nice weekend. You can call it my "bigtime backslide".

Like I said, we had a great weekend...lots of positives! h did so many cute and loving things. It was awesome.

We went to the sox game yesterday afternoon and h had studying to do when we got back (evening). I read a bit and then decided to check my email. I waslked into the "study" (where we both have computers) and saw h click from "some other screen" (I say "hotmail") to his homework. I sat down at my computer and just felt the energy go out of me. I got up and he asked me what was wrong. I said (stupidly, whack, whack) -- "I walk in here and you change from your hotmail screen to your homework. I just don't understand that". He said "oh, hotmail? do you see hotmail on my computer?" I didn't even bother to look...I said "whatever". He said "it was espn.com" -- I said "OK." and walked away.

WELL...h had a fit. started throwing things and pushing things off of his desk. Screamed that he wanted a divorce. Wanted a divorce IMMEDIATELY. That we wouldn't go to work or school today that we we go to a lawyer instead. I just kept saying "OK" to everything because he was actually freaking me out a bit. He said he was tired of getting "a load of crap" (or something) from me -- I said "I didn't give you a load of crap" but then changed that to OK after he kept knocking stuff off of tables.

I went downstairs until he calmed down and then went to bed. He came to be a bit later...got up early then went to school. I called in sick to work.

I just don't know what to think. yesterday we were looking at condos in town and that night he's screaming divorce. I'll admit that my even saying anything was STUPID (times a million) but come on...

There's a big part of me that thinks if he's still talking divorce after two years of this (and the resemblence to two years ago was frightening) then maybe he's just right...we've got a ton of great stuff but we both seem to feel backed into a corner in this area...or maybe "I want a divorce" is code for "we need to fix this part" -- duh, no kidding.

I noticed that he had the heating pad out...again, shades of two years ago (he has a chronic kidney ailment)...it's been better for a while now but two years ago the pain was bad.

any suggestions? I don't feel like doing the "same old" here but I'm running out of thoughts...

Sage

Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.