The miracle is this....

[sage]

Enjoying my job a lot more in the past few weeks since I started shedding my "second job" activities -- feeling much calmer and more focused!

went out to dinner last night with a friend -- had a great mexican meal at a place I'd never been before and had the chance to catch up with her. Awesome.

Got a wonderful e-mail from h yesterday AM where the final line was "I'm so happy being married to you". That seems like it's worth multiple positives, no?? It was just so darned nice to hear...and I made sure to mention it to h last night. I brought him some food home from the restaurant and we hung out on the couch talking about school, work, sport etc. We were both really snuggly...kind of draped all over each other sitting on the couch...and he was very verbal -- said "I really love you" at one point...it was a positives packed day!

Oh, yah, at one point he asked me if anything was troubling me ... I said "no. do I seem troubled?" He said "not really. I was just wondering". Not sure why -- maybe he's still not used to the quieter Sage? But anyway I said "If something is troubling me can I bring it to you?" and he said "yes". Don't know why I need regular reinforcement that it's ok to bring stuff up to him...but I do.

Let me recommend a book that I'm currently reading:

Love is Never Enough

"eyesopened" mentioned it on her thread...it's a "solution based" book that is directly in line with DB'ing -- it's helping me to see how my expectations and ASSumptions (and h's too) about what the OP's actions MEAN (you know...the "meaning" you ascribe to the behavior of your spouse!) led us to trouble. I'm not at the "solutions" part yet but it's helping me to have that questioning voice in my head speaking back to my knee jerk reactions and ASSumptions.

Sage