Quote: "look....the house is completely distinct from us...there's no ultimatum here...or suggestion that we have to move or I'll leave you forever...we're just working on this together". I told him that I really appreciated him saying that, that I needed to hear it and that it helps me a lot to understand what level/priority/extreme his frustration is at.
What an excellent example of not taking things personally. This is great Sage! I think my initial reaction would have been to take this personally, or get angry that HE was taking personally and therefore react that way. This is good...gotta remember it!
Quote: get so distracted and caught up in other things that if it's not prefaced with "look, this is really important" I think I miss it!
Why IS that? I don't think that happens with other people as much as it happens with h -- I guess I'm still "doing" other things while talking with him? If not actually "doing" something then "thinking" something while he's talking?
Same here. I dont' hear becuase I spend most of my time thinking/qualifying/ASSuming/analyzing...and I miss what H is saying. I even do this with others as well. I really need to learn how to listen.
Something else I do is to try and steer the conversation away from something unpleasant.
-With H: I want to stay far away from R talks and at the same time I can't help wanting to KNOW. I think I miss opportunities to listen and validate. -With others: I get uncomfortable and not ask follow-up questions...or almost go the other way. I dont' want the other person to think I'm nosy or crossing some line so I don't ask. I also worry about appearing non-caring.
I really need to learn how to listen. 
