The miracle is this....

[sage]

Hey guys, PIB, Minnie, Shiny ( ) thanks for the visits! I'm in work hell right now...have a presentation to our CEO tomorrow at 10am so I'm super busy prepping for that...will post more after that's out of the way!

We had a great weekend in Philly -- It was so relaxing -- and a great reminder to me of what just WORKS in my M -- spending time together, walking, talking, sports , fun stuff. We tackled a conversation about our house (and possibly moving) and it just went so well...why am I so anxious about talking about the "big stuff"?

To that end, I have to admit I'm still feeling a bit stuck...I keep running into the same darned wall (constructed by me?) that I can't figure out how to break through. Heck, I built it, I'm sure I'll figure out how to knock it down.

Slowly's thread is providing particularly good food for thought for me...will expand more when time permits.

My cainercast for the last two days has kept me even keeled

Yesterday:

Isn't there something else that you really ought to be doing, right this moment? You seem to feel restless and rushed. You've got urgent tasks to attend to and pressing problems to tackle. Various people in your world are adding to the stress; either by complaining or by demanding or just by looking pathetically in your direction for help. You are making all this worse by setting unrealistic targets. You feel you must prove something and move something, regardless of what it takes. But here is a promise. It is safe to relax. Honestly it is. All that truly NEEDS to happen, will happen.

Today:

You have watched too many movies. Or maybe you have read too many novels. Your head is full of romantic visions of some ideal world. You suspect that if everything isn't golden and rosy, simple and delightful, there must be something terribly wrong. By all means aspire to the best. If you don't, you may never experience it. But don't see the dramas now unfolding in your world as wrong or bad. They are a part of a process that must be gone through if something truly constructive is to occur. Simply stop pining for a mythical state of perfection. And be more tolerant of what's here, now.

Sage

[psluke]

Hey Ms. Sage,

I love both of your Cainer Casts!

Hope you are making good progress on your presentation.

[minnie1]

Hi Sage,

Glad to hear you had a great time in Philly!

Sorry to hear work is so hectic right now and I hope your presentation goes well.

Minnie

[sage]

Hey Minnie and Pam, Thanks for the visit!

Pam, my cainercast for today is quite cool too:

To have a fresh, inspiring experience, you don't necessarily have to do something you have never done before. You can simply do what you have done a thousand times in the past but do it differently. Or you can do it in exactly that same way, physically and materially but approach it from a new psychological angle. You can think different thoughts. You can foster different intentions. And, in doing so, you can set yourself delightfully free. Events this weekend soon should demonstrate this very clearly. A new perspective may yet transform the way you think about what you face.

It's completely in line with where my head has been at of late...knowing that it's my perspective and thought processes that can help or hurt...

My presentation is over. The amount of work to prep for it was extraordinary -- and the stress level was HIGH! The presentation went well (in mood, tone, etc) though it was largely because our CEO got sidetracked on the first few slides and didn't have time to poke at all of the rest of them. So, it was mild in mood but I didn't GET what I needed (in terms of $ and staffing) necessarily approved...more just understood. Depending on what happens over the next few weeks I'll either get what I need/want or not.

The VERY good news is that the program manager I was standing in for is back from maternity leave and will be taking over the program (I was doing two jobs -- the program management stuff isn't my real role here). That means that the very stressful stuff goes away! Yahoo.

H was absolutely wonderful with it all...I have to say I didn't really freak out from the stress at home (a 180! ) but this AM I was quiet and down and he was so wonderful and supportive.

The weekend should be good. We'll go hiking tomorrow and run some errands. Nothing planned for Sunday. h has a ton of homework to do so I'll probably putter around the house. I also made an appt for a manicure and pedicure tomorrow afternoon (made the appt about 5 minutes after the program review ended! a reward!) so that'll be fun.

SCHOOL STARTS MONDAY.

Only one class, though...so that should help.

Sage

[minnie1]

Hi Sage,

SCHOOL STARTS MONDAY.

Wow! where did the summer go?

I'm glad your presentation went well and I hope you get the resources that you need. Cool about the Proj Mgr returning from leave...it's so trying to do one job let alone two!

Have a wonderful weekend!!
Minnie

[sage]

Having a great weekend so far...last one before the homework starts! Last night we went to see a movie "Cellular" (kind of a lame story but interesting enough and catchy enough to keep us interested) and then out for a drink and a bite. This AM we got up and hiked for 2+ hours. It's gorgeous here today. Ran some errands (errand night gave way to the Pats game this week) and now h is doing homework while I catch up on e-mail.

I'm starting to feel better -- had been having a hard time of late with sad thoughts, feeling stuck -- no doubt the stress of work, the baby talk, just stinky residue. Feeling more motivated to focus on WHAT WORKS (Michele would be glad to hear it!) and to work on turning around my ASSumptions and negative thoughts. For those of you who have the time, "eyesopened" has a thread in the KLA forum that is really inspirational. I'd like to follow a bit in her footsteps with her grounded attitude.

Gonna go do some stuff around the house and then get my nails done

Sage

[psluke]

Good Morning Sage,

Your weekend sounds a lot more fun than mine! Parts of mine were fun and parts have my back complaining again!

I was wondering if the extra stress from work was bringing you down some and that is why the negative thoughts were hanging around a bit. I do find when I am tired, sick or monthly that I am much more likely to look at things from a negative perspective or to think negative things about what is going on around me.

Whatever it was, I am GLAD to hear you are better!!!

Have a wonderful day!

[Phoenix_In_Bloom]

Hey Sage,

Just stopping by to check in on you!

Hugs!

[sage]

Hey Pam and PIB,

Thanks for the visits, girls!!

Rest of the weekend was great. We stayed in Sat. night and watched a movie. Sunday we went hiking again and then h did homework for a while while I did the food shopping and cooked (Curried Lentil soup for the crockpot!). We put some more curtains up, too. It was great to work together on making the house look good.

We had a VERY interesting talk while we were hiking. A nice little breakthru, actually, and it's rejuvenated me quite a bit. I think I may even ressurect my KLA thread (that's where I've been working on my "goals").

So...topic was our house. h has expressed some strong feelings of late about wanting to move. We have an old (!!!) house that is wonderful in many ways but is also lacking in many ways. We could spend big $ to update it to address its shortcomings but in recent months 1 commercial developer has bought a large lot near us and started building on it and a second is on its way...our street is a cut thru street so we've seen the traffic on our sleepy little street go up astronomically. It's unlikely to improve and will probably get worse...

The house (or selling it, to be exact) has always been a sore spot for me...I think it just comes down to wanting to feel grounded...feeling afraid that without that security, well, all hell would break loose. I've loosened that grip quite a bit over the last few years though it remains an internal struggle sometimes. Simply put, the house respresents security in my warped mind...and the thoughts of getting rid of it scare me at times...plus, it has $ issues wrapped up in it, too...until h gets out of law school we won't have an increase in our income AND I had actually been hoping to downsize my job a bit...

Well..I have been working very hard on being less reactive about it -- partly because I've realized that it's a house -- not some magic bullet that saves me from all turmoil , partly because when the bomb dropped I HAD to accept that we might get D and I wouldn't be able to stay there, and partly because it's GOOD for me to shake myself up every so often...

anyway, we talked a bit about it yesterday...it started out as a tough conversation...we were trying to establish what our individual stances were...what our relative time frame was, etc. It turns out that we're on the same page about what features we like/don't like and we agreed to target the Spring time frame to move if possible.

I did step on h's toes at one point...I was trying to articulate that I didn't want to rush into this headlong...that I thought the house needed work before we could easily sell it...that I wanted to plan a few months as opposed to just throwing it on the market. he took that personally and said "yah, I know that. You're making it sound like I'm panicking and want to do this today. I never panic."

well...it was a good thing I was walking in front of him so he couldn't see my face which would have (unforgivingly? meanly? quizzically?) have been transmitting "oh? what about 2 years ago, almost to the DAY, when you told me you were quitting your job and did so the next day?" Of course the "panic" then was ow related...

anyway, I made some validating response but h clearly got it because in a few minutes he said .... "look....the house is completely distinct from us...there's no ultimatum here...or suggestion that we have to move or I'll leave you forever...we're just working on this together".

Point being, I suppose, that he wasn't gonna drop some mini-house-related bomb on me.

He told me that he felt a thousand times better because we have "a plan".

THEN he told me that he thought these kinds of conversations were difficult for us. I asked what he thought would make them better and he said "well, it seems like we both come in with assumptions about what the other person wants or thinks. I think it just makes sense for us to say 'this is what I'm assuming. is that true?'" Wise man, my h...

I offered up the notion that I sometimes can't HEAR what's actually important or a priority to him because it gets intermingled with the rest of the conversation. I think he got that.

'twas very nice to have a conversation with my h about how to improve our communication. GOOD STUFF!!!

School starts today...yikes!

Sage

[minnie1]

Hi Sage,

seems like we both come in with assumptions about what the other person wants or thinks. I think it just makes sense for us to say 'this is what I'm assuming. is that true?'" Wise man, my h...

Yes, he is. what a simple, straight-forward way of putting it!

anyway, I made some validating response but h clearly got it because in a few minutes he said .... "look....the house is completely distinct from us...there's no ultimatum here...or suggestion that we have to move or I'll leave you forever...we're just working on this together".

wow! what did you say to him? I think (ASSumption) that my H would have held on to this until we had a huge blow-up about it. It's so refreshing to see that your H, too, has worked so hard and has come a long way.

Hope you have a good first-night-of school!

Minnie