I got home kind of wiped out. H was raring to go (too cute!). We did a few errands and then got into an inane fight in the parking lot of Best Buy. I asked him a vague question about what he just bought (my bad), he answered but misunderstanding what I asked, I asked again (still vague?), he answered, I said "ok, ok", he said "I don't understand why you're so irked. LET'S GO HOME."
It doesn't happen often anymore (we don't seem to fight much) but it was sort of typical -- we get into a mild skirmish, h ASSumes I'm mad, he suggests going home. Normally, I try to argue him out of calling it quits but last night I just said "ok".
We went home. I made pizza and read a book. He went out.
Historically his departure would have sent me into a morass of fear and tears but I'm LEARNING to not take his leaving as a sign that he's LEAVING.
It helped that he too stepped out of his normal role a bit and said "I'm going to get something to eat" -- normally he just leaves in a huff which increases my fear and sadness.
I left him a note apologizing for my vague questions and thanking him for letting me know he was going out.
He came home after about an hour...didn't say anything about my note...didn't talk to me at all (common). I went to bed.
After another hour or so of silence this AM (tho' we did go to the gym together), he broke the ice a bit, I responded, etc. We both said ILY before he left for school.
We'll be fine with this -- nothing too out of the ordinary fightwise. I think I've just been having a tough week and I'm ready to break out of that. We're going out of town for the weekend and I think that will help.
More thinking this AM on the way to work...I've been revisiting old hurts and grievances...still struggling to forgive some of the things that happened so long ago...that's MY problem and I'm working on letting them go...no longer holding h and me hostage to the past.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
