The miracle is this....

[sage]

Monday morning -- blech. On the way to work I mailed off two resumes -- cross your fingers!

Had a good weekend! Friday night I got home and h was so wonderful and loving. He didn't hear me come in and when he saw me he said "wow, I just got this amazing rush of love for you!" My goodness...how cool is that? We decided to go out for Indian food and then see a 9pm movie...food was great (had ice cream after!) but ended up not going to the movie (we are destined to NEVER see "Before sunset" ).

Saturday I had some errands to do then had lunch with my dad. H had school so I picked him up in the afternoon. We were planning on trying to go to a Midnight movie (a BIG stretch for us!) but we ended up bumming around, had a light dinner, ran some errands...decided not to go to the movie (yawn!) so just hung out on the couch.

I'm noticing that my h changes his mind often about "plans" -- this used to drive me insane (when I was such a control freak that everything had to be nailed down!) but it's so freeing to just say "sure, of course it's ok if we don't..." and it IS! I like this flexability stuff!

Sunday we got up early and went hiking for 2 hours. Came home and I started cooking -- pea soup and a surprise for h -- chicken fricassee -- he's been talking about how much he used to like that dish as a kid...well, even though I scoured the net for recipes, I couldn't find one that was just what he was describing (shredded chicken in gravy with no vegetables) so today he's eating some bastardization of his memory! Anyway, I did a bunch of cooking, hung out a bit, relaxed while h did homework.

We did have a "mini-moment" -- h was sitting in our front room and came in and said "I don't want to be an alarmist but I think we're going to have to move in a few years. The traffic on this street ruins the enjoyment of the house and it's just going to get worse".

Now, he's totally right -- and it IS going to get worse if they build the new shopping development down the street. And, historically I would have COMPLETELY freaked out at the mention of moving (see above on the "control freak" stuff) but I totally didn't...just agreed with him, etc. But, I did say "we can't afford to move right now" which I instantly knew was the wrong thing to say -- a) he wasn't talking about moving right now b) it sounds blaming since he's in school full time and c) it's not quite accurate -- what's more accurate is that I'm feeling A LOT of pressure as the single income coming into the house (rightly or wrongly on the pressure part) and I would really prefer that we not do anything that increases our monthly budget -- add to that the idea that I'm SICK of my job but won't likely find one that pays the same $ and you've got an inappropriately placed comment...

h seemed irked but I'm not sure if it was because of my comment or just being mad at the traffic and I didn't lapse into some long discussion with him about it...just kind of let it go (plenty of opportunity to explain the above).

In the afternoon, h went flying with his brother. I used the time to run some errands and do some stuff around the house (cleaned up the kitchen, did laundry, hung some curtains) but I also relaxed, ate a really nice dinner, etc.

I was folding laundry happily when h came home -- things weren't great for the hour after he got home -- I can't explain it other than to suggest that he SEEMED guilty, off, like a kid who expected to be chastised immediately upon walking in the door -- I'm not sure if I'm just IMAGINING it (could be) or if he was worried about something (having spent the afternoon with bro, not having brought me the leftovers he said he would, did he flirt with a pretty girl at their destination ) Whatever the reason, I swear he came in with his tail between his legs...unfortunately, it made me feel (and act) IRKED -- which was EXACTLY the reaction that he was expecting (for other reasons apparently) and EXACTLY the reaction that I didn't want to give...

I think we ultimately rallied but it just seemed like a lost opportunity...for me, I suppose, to feel his weirdness and not react to it...I even tried to internally counsel myself a la "he must have really been feeling worried and nervous to be acting this way, poor guy!" but all I felt like was "arrgh, how long to have to BE different in terms of being accepting for him to not be expecting a negative reaction?????" which of course is somewhat ludicrous because he DID end up getting a negative reaction...just not for what he thought he would (perhaps someone should tell H about acting "as if"?? And point out that by expecting a negative reaction he got one?)

Anyway...no major crisis...just mildly annoying...dropped him off at the train this AM...leaving work a bit early to pick him up at school and go out to dinner, etc.

Sage